Are You a Pooh-Bear? Full Text Answers
By Alex Fayle

The Exercise

Sometimes we’re too optimistic and try to believe the best will happen even when everything is pointing to giving up and trying something new. Sometimes we give up too soon. In the book Sway, the authors talk about loss aversion – pursuing a course of action long after the chances of success have dwindled to nothing but a completely unrealistic hope that our invested time and money can be salvaged.

You have all either just started something or are about to. With the above in mind, read my post about Too Much Optimism from August 2006, as well as the example from the Sway website then answer the following questions:

1. Have you ever held onto a course of action that you knew deep down was not only no longer profitable to you, but was actually hurting you in some way?
2. Have you ever given up on something that seemed to be heading towards failure when in reality it was moving along fine?
3. With your current pursuit, do you know where the cut-and-run limit is?

Urbane Lion’s Response

1.    Have you ever held onto a course of action that you knew deep down was not only no longer profitable to you, but was actually hurting you in some way?
I really had to give this one some serious thought. You see, as I stated in the previous exercise, I tend to analyze any project or purchase that may have some serious impact on me either financially or psychologically. I will try to predict what the best and worst case scenarios could be, make plan B and C and if I am comfortable with the level of risk, I jump right in. This as always served me well. The only time I held course to something that was no longer profitable and was hurting me big time was my marriage. We had gone to marriage counsellors numerous times before and always got back on track. But, it was never for very long. In my late 30’s I realized that I still had a lot of good years ahead of me but that life just whizzes by you. I wanted to make the most of it while I still had my health. I accepted that as much as it saddened me, I had to put an end to this relationship. I had enough of the sessions at the marriage counsellor every 6 months and I had become just a shadow of my usual happy go lucky character.

2.    Have you ever given up on something that seemed to be heading towards failure when in reality it was moving along fine?
I like to compare undertaking something new that you have never done before to swimming across a lake on your back. Before you jump in, you visualize your landing point on the other shore but once you start swimming, you can no longer see the other shore. You can only look up at the sky and do your best not to sink. But, every now and then you need to stop and look at you goal and adjust your course. I am never afraid to modify a plan along the way or to have someone else who is not involved in the project give me his opinion. I get such a high when I bring a major project to completion that I make every effort to finish everything I start. It sometimes takes a bit of time but I always come through

3.    With your current pursuit, do you know where the cut-and-run limit is?
I am happy where I am today. Could I be happier? Perhaps but it would cost a heck of a lot more! I can truly say that I am content and do not have a cut-and-run limit. I have nothing on the go at the moment that could possibly have an unhappy ending. The biggest project I have on the table at the moment is the construction of an outdoor kitchen. Bad weather and over optimistic planning required that we make minor adjustments to our deadlines but who cares?

I am in a new relationship and things are going very well. As we are both very sensible people, we make any necessary adjustments along the way before the problem gets too big. I don’t see that changing. I will not undertake any project that could potentially cause me to run away from it.

Brett’s Response

1. Back in 2003-04, I was working for a start-up company I had joined following a tip from an old friend.  The company showed much progress, yet, only a few months in, things started to go off the rails.  The paycheques became intermittent, delayed first by a week, then three, and then finally I was not paid for almost two months in the lead-up to Christmas.  I had already started looking for work elsewhere, yet continued to hope that things would turn around where I was, because I did not want to go back to where I am now (I had worked where I am now before, and had taken a leave to work at this other failing company).  However, with my wife pregnant with triplets, I had to face reality and I called my old boss back, and returned to my current company.  Because I delayed a bit longer than I could have, I had to pay off a fair amount of debt incurred when I was not being paid.

I held that course of action for too long.

(Note that this shows the importance of not burning bridges!  I was fortunate to be able to return to where I am now, in spite of the fact that I want to leave again!  If this makes me seem fickle, well, there is a lot more to the story that I can’t really tell here.)

2. I do not believe so.  I am more likely to be the one who hangs on to the bitter end.  But I am learning.  I do believe that things are not going well where I am, for the company in general - I’m actually pretty good at knowing when the ship is sinking, and the trick is to motivate myself to jump before it does in fact sink.  Having learned from my experience in #1, and now having much more responsibility, I don’t plan to make that mistake again.  (At the same time, I need to make sure I don’t telegraph too much to my co-workers.)

3. Yes, I know where the cut-and-run limit is for my current pursuit.  If we consider that I want to move to New Zealand, that is the long term goal, yet I’m not necessarily pinning everything on that, or at least, it isn’t a “do or die” thing.  There are some intermediate steps between “here” and “there”.  I am in fact looking for work in my field with companies that a) are more reasonable, more respected in the field and b) that pay more.  This is good, as I figure it will improve my current work satisfaction - improved morale helping me to pursue my writing more effectively, and work on my business plans.  Plus, I have to be flexible in the event that something in my personal life delays or prevents this move.

That is really the cut-and-run limit.  If pursuit of a move overseas were to cause too much stress on a personal level, or if something serious (e.g. an illness) in my personal life interferes with a move, then that would be put on hold, perhaps even indefinitely.

Sal’s Response

I was part of an MLM (multi level marketing) program, which seemed to be a good plan. Here was the problem, it would work, if you worked it. Well, needless to say, I wasn’t the type that wanted to “work it” so I didn’t. I like people, and this is where the chasm came in. I got to the point where I was more concerned about having the people around me than actually doing what needed to be done. Once my wife tried to explain that it was like I was paying someone to be my friend, but I wouldn’t listen to her, thinking that if we ever did quit, they would still be our friends. So, I continued to hold on to the program, putting more money into it, with the thought in the back of my head, that one day I would be able to put the time it needed in, and would be able to quit my day job. I ended up in debt and finally got out of the program. I am much happier now because I don’t have to try and be someone I am not. Not to mention, the fact that no who was a “good friend” is still around today to enjoy with me my happiness of getting into writing.

On the flip side (no literally, there was flipping involved) I would have to say that my diving was going along a great course. I was training for the 04 Olympics in Athens (man that would have been a fun trip). I ended up getting hurt, and probably could have come back from the injury, with a little more physical therapy, but decided then that it was time to hang up my Speedo. I was currently ranked among the top in the country and could have had a great shot at being at Athens with one of my best friends and synchro-diving partner Caesar Garcia. I never did see that dream realized because I called it quits shortly after losing my scholarship due to the injury.

As far as my current pursuit goes, I don’t know if there is a cut off limit. I guess with my job it would have to be asking me to work a lot of overtime, taking me away from my family, and I don’t think I will ever have a cut off with the writing. I could always write, even if it was cut down to once a month (that would be rather devastating to my psyche, but I would still get a thrill out of doing it). I guess I have positioned myself in a place where the cut-off is much harder for me to come to. I just noticed it, and I am not even sure that it was consciously done on purpose.

Crista’s Response

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or does it keep us alive?” For me, it’s definitely a drug that keeps me alive.

As a kid, I fell in love with the Disney version of Pollyana – the story of a young orphan who liked to play the “glad game”. In every situation, not matter how sad or bad, she would find a reason to be glad. There’s a point where she loses the use of her legs, and in the process, almost loses her sense of optimism. I was reminded of Pollyana when I read this week’s questions. My friends often comment on my rose-colored glasses, and I’ve always thought about this as a bit of a gift. As an entrepreneur, I have hung on a little bit longer, when others may have quit. In my relationships, I don’t give up on the people I love. So mostly, optimism has served me well. That is, until I read this in Alex’s posting:

“…sometimes that optimism can go too far and make me complacent. There are two sides to the “waiting for my ship to come in” Someday Symptom. The first is thinking: “Things HAVE to get better – they can’t get any worse!” The other is thinking: “Oh, everything is fine. I don’t need to do anything.”

My optimism is a total delay tactic I play in my head. If I “hang on just a little bit longer” it allows me to buy time so I don’t have to act or make a decision. Within a career perspective, that optimism can come across as determination, but I think it’s really me avoiding the truth – I need help. Or worse, I failed.

Within a relationship, that same sense of optimism can look like commitment and loyalty, when in fact, I am being a coward - fearful of the tough conversations, and afraid of rejection.

Fortunately, I generally know my cut-and-run limits and I haven’t been hurt too often by this rosy outlook. I tend to live by the line, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.” When things aren’t going my way, or I’m not getting the results I was hoping for, I tend to change something in the mix. My mix includes feedback from different people, a look at my motives, a check of my ego and an evaluation of my expectations. Sometimes I just listen to what I feel in my belly. Adding to this list, beginning today, I will also check my optimism. Is it a gift in my situation – or an excuse? And if it’s an excuse, hope will be a drug I try and get off of.

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