When I started blogging my journey, I was single. I talked about guys I met, my reactions to them and the lessons I learned from them. I’ve even talked about my reaction to Raul and the things I’ve learned about myself by being with him. Considering that one of my somedays was being in a loving, respectful, long term relationship, it’s no wonder I’ve talked about the men in my life. I haven’t, however, deeply talked about the relationship here. And I don’t plan on it.
The blog is about me and only me, but the journey I’m on has changed. I now share the journey to some degree with Raul. Because the blog is not also his blog, I cannot tell our story. I can only tell my story.
Just because I’ve decided not to talk about my relationship though, that doesn’t mean I can’t discuss other relationships that are more public – like the dueling blogs of the Urban Panther and the Urbane Lion. They use the little stresses in their relationship as fodder for their blogs, writing with humor, love and understanding. And it rocks.
Earlier this week they talked about flirting and what it means to each of them. Since English is such a fluid language, the same word will mean one hundred different things to one hundred different people. The Urban Panther and Urbane Lion do a great job and are very brave to share it with the world. I applaud their individual and couple confidence that allows them to be so open and honest.
Someday Lessons:
17 Responses to “Watching the Fireworks”
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Very cool! The intricacies and subtleties of communication and whether they are interpreted as terms of endearment - all played out online.
What a great idea!
Hmmm. You’ve given me pause. My blog is my own, so what am I saying about my husband or my friends and family? I think it’s all good, but you’re right. We should keep in mind whether or not what we’re about to right is really ours to reveal.
steph’s last blog post..When Peeking is a Good Thing
@Lisa
Yes, language is very tricky - for UP & UL it’s complicated by English being UL’s second language.
@Steph
As long as we’re aware of what we’re writing and who we include in it, I think that’s enough. And when I do include Raul, I run it by him first to make sure he’s okay with what I’m writing (as UP & UL run their posts by each other before posting).
This is a great subject to give voice. On Writer Dad, I talk about the three people in my family, but I use broad strokes and aliases. I don’t ever want for Daisy to feel like her privacy is infringed on, but our lives are so woven, talking about life without talking about her would be like trying to swing across a chasm with only one twine of the rope.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..The Eighth Wonder of the World
Be aware of where your story ends and it becomes a story that includes others. If it’s not wholly yours, do you have the right to share it with the world? - The Urbane Lion and I *never* post a story that has not been read and approved by the other person. Also, I will not write about my children, other than references to them. And I have written stories about me, that I thought might bother my children, and I run it by one or more of them first. I have canned stories based on their feedback. I believe it is critical to be respectful of other’s people’s feelings when posting. As you said, it is not their story.
To avoid misunderstandings, make sure that you share a common language with the people on your journey with you. - the common language becomes a challenge when you are dealing with two different native languages and cultures, which in our case would be French and English. (I am sure you know exactly what I’m talking about!). For example, I have zero issues when the Lion is talking to his Ex in English. When he speaks to her in French, and I have no clue what is being said, insane jealously rears it’s ugly head. Totally irrational, I know, but there all the same.
This post was a beautiful testament to the Lion’s and my relationship, and you haven’t even met him in person yet! I can’t wait for your Thanksgiving visit. Hugs! Your Sister!
Urban Panther’s last blog post..The beginning of the end
Common language is a big one for sure but also common vision and a positive outlook on life. Our cultural differences could be seen as an obstacle to some while in reality, it brings excitment to our relationship. Thanks again for the showcase!
Urbane Lion’s last blog post..Vanilla crème brûlée. A dessert fit for a King!
I hear you on this one, Alex. Harry and I are quite personal on our blog - but we are also very private. None of our readers really hear us talk about each other, and no one really knows how we live, what we do, or etc etc.
We drop hints here and there, we talk about silly things, but the “us” parts of our lives? Nope. We don’t talk about each other and we don’t share our lives with the world. We respect each other and the trust we’ve granted each other too.
Alex,
I believe that you just shared your most intimate part of your relationship: the respect you have for your partner. Knowing where to draw the lines is a personal decision, and I think it’s wonderful that you know where your lines are drawn, and were able to express them so eloquently. Thank you for keeping Raul where you both need eachother most: in private.
Beautiful.
Rita
This was an important post to write Alex, like you I’m very cautious of whom I write about in my life. I do mention John and that he is a chef, but it stops about there.
I also never talk about my friends offline or give away what I really do. Snippets like James and Harry at best and if somebody wanted to they could find out what they wanted, given the abilities of the Internet and technology these days but I like to keep some sense of mystery and privacy about me.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Sucked Into The Lion’s Lair
Hi Alex - This is sound advice. I’ve started to write a post on relationships, but you reminded me that it’s best to get permission first.
I love the Panther and the Lion’s banter - their flirting thing was hilarious.
Cath Lawson’s last blog post..Was I Talking About You?
Alex,
This was a nice, thoughtful post. On my blog, I reference my parents, friends, clients, and my daughter, even an occasional date, but the references are usually pretty oblique.
My parents run a business and they have no problem with an occasional mention if it has something to do with that, and that’s how I keep it for any reference. If there’s a lesson for business, with a glancing mention in the story of who I was with or how someone saw it in a light I hadn’t, they’re included. I have run things past people if I had a concern that I’d revealed too much, but I know where that line is. Heck, I don’t even reveal much about me, nevermind other folks.
People who find me commenting elsewhere and follow my blog will piece together quite a bit over time and feel like they know me. I feel like I know some of them. I don’t even put a tenth of my life out there, so my guess is that even folks I feel I know pretty well, I don’t know at all.
Which sounds kinda lonely. But I do know their philosophies, their methods of approaching the world, and some of their core priorities, and other bloggers enrich my life through their writings. That’s a lot from people I never see—we do touch, in a way.
I like the Panther and the LIon because they do just that—reveal core stuff I can think about, (be jealous of,) and learn from, without making me feel like I’ve invaded too much of their privacy.
And they make me blush at least once a week, but that’s just a bonus.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Tip of the Week: Nailing Your Focus
Kelly: Do we really make you blush!? Wow! I’m flattered!
Urbane Lion’s last blog post..Manjigglies III - The Prequel
Lion,
Yes, and laugh my head off. The things you’ll consider out loud… oh me, oh my.
Until later,
Kelly
Alex,
This is a great post. I have shared stories about how members of my family (especially my mother) have influenced and inspired me but I haven’t ever mentioned her by name. She has read them though and they are always flattering. I believe in what my mother taught. Never put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want to see splashed in the front of tomorrow’s headlines for all the world to see. I believe that as writers we have to take responsability for what we put out there and think carefully about that. Words DO matter and they don’t go away. They effect people. One way or another.
Wendi Kelly’s last blog post..The Habit of Winning
@WD
The diary aspect of blogging makes it really tempting to share with everyone every detail of our lives, but being so public, we have to be careful all the time, eh?
@UP
Yay to Thanksgiving visit and real-life meeting of the multilingual in-laws!
@UL
Cultural differences are a great source of mirth for us, as well the occasional moment of tension…
@James
Yes, I feel that I know you and Harry quite well, but at the same time I’m fully aware that I don’t know either of you at all (even with the morning chats with Harry). You two walk a fine (in both senses of the word) line.
@Rita
It would be so easy to use the blog as a dumping ground for every minor irritation and moment of joy but then it would quickly become boring to everyone (including me).
@Monika
Sometimes when I really want to talk about something in one of my current relationships I go into my own past and relate something similar (but not similar enough for the person to recognize) and discuss the theme or the emotion without revealing any current details.
@Cath
Glad to be a good reminder - I’m amazed at how we all seem to inspire and remind each other in this community.
@Kelly
A lot of people have commented on how much they like how open and honest I am about everything in my life, which has always surprised me because I talk about only a fraction of everything that’s going on, but the words I do put “on paper” create an image that people connect with and fill in the blank using their imagination, I guess.
@Wendi
When I did my Master degree in ‘94 (Library Science) we were taught never to put anything in an email that we did not want read on the evening news. I’ve been careful to stick to that (of course sometimes I say things I probably shouldn’t via email but I’ve been lucky so far).
Oooh Yeah! Just wait until you get the French and Spanish together. Thanksgiving will never be the same!
Hi Alex,
I agree. It is our decision when we share parts of our lives with the world, but our loved ones often don’t sign on. We need to respect that and think twice before hitting “publish”.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..NBOTW - He Had Me With “Hello”