Something Crista said in her answers last week made me decide to switch gears from the emotional/mental Somedays to physical ones. Crista stated that she planned for a whole bunch of what-if situations for the three weeks she was going to be away at school, but when it came down to carrying the what-ifs and paying $100 extra, or leaving them behind, she pulled them out of her suitcase.
In my own situation, we have a small apartment and yet people keep buying us things – very nice things (like wine carafes and fancy Arabic tea glasses), but we don’t have room for them and the place is beginning to feel cluttered. I feel a major reorganization of the house coming up which will hopefully include getting rid of the things we don’t use.
The third reason for this week’s lesson has to do with Hurricanes Gustav, Hanna, and Ike. So many people in Haiti, Cuba and the southern United States are close to losing everything – again – they’re getting an enforced purge, with little time to decide what’s important.
So this week, it’s the Lab-Rats’ turn at purging. After reading my post from September 2006, Too Much Stuff, I asked them the following questions.
1. How much of what you have around you has strong meaning to you and how much of it just fills up the house because an empty house would look weird?
You’ll remember in last week’s post I had to throw stuff overboard at the airport because I packed too much “stuff” in my suitcase and I was overweight. I’m living in a small dorm room with only the basic necessities and I’m still considering a shipment home. When I reflect back on what’s at home, I think there is too much. I have emptied so much over the past year and it seems the empty look never comes. There are very few things for which I have a strong sentiment. And sitting in the dorm room with only the necessities, I’m not missing a thing.
2. If you had to leave your house in a hurry, do you know what you would take? Why?
It used to be that collecting family photos in a fire would be the one thing I would search for. With everything online now, I’m not sure I would even consider that. My family (and my dog) are the only things I would want out. Okay, so I would miss my shoes and boots and belts and bags, but I could live without them. I think about the things I would buy again if I was starting all over. Aside from the necessities, I would consider a bike and a laptop. I’m at a place right now where my experiences are more important than stuff. I think this is in preparation for my BIG someday journey. If I really want to travel the world with my kids, we can’t be lugging around added baggage.
3. Imagine cutting your possessions by half – would you miss the stuff you would rid of? If not, then why do you have it all?
I wouldn’t miss anything and I don’t know why I have it all. I suppose I keep it, just in case? I recently cleared out my office and brought three boxes home to the basement. They’ve been sitting there since March and I haven’t even opened them. I could quite easily take them to the dump but there are things given to me by my kids – memories of their first mother’s day at school, or my birthday, or just because crafts. This is the kind of thing that’s hardest for me to toss. I’m not a packrat but I am sentimental. Typically, I do toss immediately if I know that I’m not going to use or need something but it can get extremely hard when you live with four other people who like to keep things as well. I can say that when I clear the clutter I do feel emotionally lighter.
This one is easy for me. I had this conversation with my wife Cathryn in the last month, and I’ve thought about it many times before. I do have too much stuff.
1. I did an inventory many months ago, when thinking about moving to New Zealand. Probably 90 percent (or more) of what is in the house is just “filler”. I made a list, and estimated the volume - I figure I could take “my life” in my backpack, my carry-on, and one other small case. The things that have strong meanings tend to be photographs, which can be put in one of the cases. Furniture? TV? Meh!
2. (Assuming my family was safe) there would be only one thing I’d absolutely have to take - we have a small box of mementos from our daughter Hailey (she was our oldest son Cameron’s twin, born too young to survive more than an hour). That would be the one thing I would risk my life to take with me. It is a small fireproof box containing photographs, tiny clothes, and all of her paperwork.
I suppose if I had more time, I’d grab a few other things - my laptop, for instance. But that is the one thing I would not leave without retrieving. It cannot be replaced, ever.
3. No, I would not miss it - so your question is good - why do I have all of it? One of my personal interests is sustainable housing, especially the post-modern designs (think “boxes”) made from marine shipping containers. Our house is about 1500 square feet and we have 6 people living inside. I know folks with only 3 person families living in 3000+ square foot homes who think that is “small”. I mean, you’ve got the piano room, the sitting room, the office, the guest room, the movie room… hey, go outside if you need some space! I believe with proper thought we wouldn’t need as much space as we have now, and our plans for the future (once our children leave the nest) lean towards a small home (800 square feet or less, one floor, no basement).
If you have too much space, you accumulate stuff. Clutter. Crap. Non-essential things.
Why do we have it? Too many years of “following the dream” of “getting stuff”. The empty dream. I think our eventual move will be the time to purge. My feeling is, if it is less expensive to buy it new at the new location than to ship it, then don’t ship it. Then when you get there, decide if you *really* need it.
When I was single, I could move everything I owned in my car, in one car load. No problem!
Hmm, this was fun! I think I’ll have to do a little cleaning this week…
ALEX….ALeeeex, Aleeeeex, you’re are too mean to me! You have insider knowledge to my life and that’s not fair. But, this exercise and having your sister, the Urban Panther, finalize her move into my house is just great timing. This will be extremely therapeutic for me. I have always been the type to work extremely hard at something, either to get it over with or, to bring it to completion. In doing so, I bring myself to such a point that once the task accomplished, I am completely exhausted and can’t even put things away properly. I just put them out of the way. Because they are ‘out of the way’ , they don’t stand out as much and don’t get properly put away. But, they do add to the clutter and the feeling of TOTAL CHAOS! Heck, I see pictures of downtown Kabul and I don’t think it looks that bad!
Now, for the exercise, I have a huge problem with question # 1. I have some stuff that has strong meaning to me but, not that much. I don’t really care what other people think, I just do my own thing and have been known to start fads. My house is over 3000 squ. ft. There is more than enough room to live in. But, I’m a handy man and, strongly believe in recycling and reusing. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to give new life to something that was condemned to the trash. I have a few pieces of furniture that I’ve picked up in the garbage and completely transformed into something new. I have stuff in which I see great potential but haven’t gotten around to just yet. These things take up room. Ask your sister if she wants me to get rid of the 1970 MG Midget sitting in the driveway just awaiting restoration? How about all that beautiful copper tubing taken when I dismantled the refrigeration units from my old business. I will transform these into a living wall in our outdoor kitchen and part of the faucet system in our new upstairs bathroom. Events may have some impact on my inventory. I had been keeping a couple of dozen, well maybe a hundred or so empty wine bottles for future use. Some just to peel off the labels for inlays, some for flavoured oils or salad dressings and some to be used as building material. Well, with the Panther moving in, we need the extra room. I have basically chucked out all but a very special few wine bottles. The cats even helped by peeing on empty binders and portfolios I had been keeping for future use.
Do I feel happy in all this clutter? No! I would much rather have a neat and orderly house. Not too neat though. Our house has a nice, lived in, welcoming feel to it. Before the Panther moved in, it was normal to find power tools on the kitchen island and wood working projects on the go on the dining room table. For the moment, the place is in total chaos again. Too many projects on the go that need to be done before winter hits. Am I asking too much of myself? Yes. Am I unrealistic with the deadlines I set for my personal projects? Yes. I think in this case, my spontaneous and exuberant personality are the death of me. I truly think the Panther is the perfect match for me. I can bring just the right amount of chaos, flexibility and fluidity in her life while she will bring structure and organization into mine. She has already started to put her little antique teacups here and there and took over one of the cupboards for her breadmaking. All this in the most logical way. As if it was always meant to be.
OK, sorry for the long winded intro. Here are my answers to this week’s exercise:
# 1: 50% strong meaning, 50% for future use. I don’t think an empty house looks weird.
# 2: Everything is expendable. I would bring clean underwear if time allows. If not, too bad. As long as I’m healthy and I have my loved ones around me. I can rebuild the rest.
# 3: Would not miss it. Considering that a good chunk of my possessions are fairly essential to daily living, that I have other possessions that I would rather keep for sentimental reasons, that pretty much only leaves either reference material or construction material for future use. Although I could easily get rid of the latter, it always really annoys me when I need to go back to the hardware store to buy something I may have gotten rid of in the past months. Why throw out something that still perfectly good?
I can identify with all of this. I am originally from Louisiana and have family still down there. I remember back when Hurricane Andrew came through and wiped a lot of people out. Fortunately I was not there for Katrina and my family, being further North didn’t suffer too much damage. Since Gustav hit, a lot of people are worried and now that Ike is on his way, everyone could see another Katrina.
As for the questions, my wife and I usually go through the house once a month and get rid of stuff we never use, never have used, or never will use. She is actually going through right now and listing a bunch of purses that she doesn’t use anymore, a lot of the baby stuff that they either can’t fit into or don’t play with, and some other odds and ends laying around the house like a couple of lamps we have not used since our son was born.
I think we like things simple. The clutter gets to both of us and most of the time we can’t work or even live if the house is a mess, or just filled with stuff. One of our biggest pet peeves is tables that are used to “catch” all of the stuff we have when we walk in the house. The table and island in the kitchen usually gets a daily cleaning.
I think if we had to leave in a hurry, there are very few things we would take. I guess this goes back to the hurricane preparedness that I grew up with. We usually have the diaper bag packed and know where our other bags are if we need to gather up some clothes or something.
If we had to cut everything by half, that would be a stretch because we are already down to our essential items. But, I guess if it had to be done, we could and wouldn’t have that many problems.
Of all of the experiments, this one has been by far the easiest, I guess because we come at it naturally. By the way, I am not sure where I inherited these quirks from because my mom is by far a natural pack rat. She keeps EVERYTHING!
15 Responses to “Our Lives Are Full of Stuff - Full Text Answers”
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I’ve been moving my stuff into the Lion’s Den in small doses every day. While I prided myself on getting things down to the truly sentimental and truly essential when I moved into the apartment, I am seeing that I can get rid of even more. After all, I have lived without it for almost 6 months now. It’s all in the front hall and junk room at the moment (see Lion’s pics from yesterday), and as I go through it, I will look at it all with a critical eye again.
@Brett - the loss of a child puts the loss of posessions into serious perspective. Thanks for sharing that bit of your life with us.
Oh Brett! I choked up reading your answer to no. 2. I second Urban Panther on what she said. Suddenly other stuff totally pales in comparison.
@ Brett - we have a similar box filled with items from our son, Elijah. Small tokens of his life are spread out among family members but I did completely forget the little bonnet that smells of him… Thank you for that trigger. And thank you to all for such a strong reminder of what’s important.
I think one of the most wonderful things about purging and determining what is truly important is that cleanliness we feel, that freedom and clarity.
At the same time, it makes room for new stuff, and I don’t mean unimportant or insignificant stuff, just the opposite, whether its mental or physical. Leaving stuff behind allows us room for growth and more beneficial things.
@UL: I am with you. Before I met my wife I was taking things apart with the expectations to either put them back together or do some crafty project with them, both of which never did and never would happen. Jess likes clean/organized space and sometimes she has to give me a swift kick in the pants to get moving and clean up my tinkering projects.
1. How much of what you have around you has strong meaning to you and how much of it just fills up the house because an empty house would look weird?
Most of the stuff in my house are there for our comforts. We do need the couches and the beds so that we can relax comfortably. We don’t like sleeping on floors, at least I don’t.
2. If you had to leave your house in a hurry, do you know what you would take? Why?
I would grab my children and my wife. The rest can burn.
3. Imagine cutting your possessions by half – would you miss the stuff you would get rid of? If not, then why do you have it all?
Since we live a very modest lifestyle, I can honestly say that everything in our house has a purpose and not just there to occupy space.
@Panther & Steph & Crista,
I don’t mind sharing the story, because it is through sharing that her memory lives on. We celebrate her birthday each year, as well.
An interesting side story - Cameron asked us if he had a sister, when he was only 4 years old. He knew. We had not told him.
Sal: I took the antique car (in need of restoration) out of the garage so I can have room for my tinkering around. That will be MY space once I’m done.
Brett: As a matter of fact, the Panther and I live in a 3000+ squ. ft home with Little Lion part time. The clutter is incredible but we will hit each room one at a time. And, I’m getting much better at throwing things out too. The local grocery store has a huge bin for the needy. I just dump it there. makes me feel better.
Lion,
What kind of car is it?
Yeah, we’re always doing the same. I figure we’ve clothed half of the town, when our kids outgrow stuff, it gets donated - in spades…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..things i learned from sharkboy and lavagirl.
Sal’s table sounds like mine. We really all have a bad habit of dumping stuff on the table that we’ve brought into the house. And it’s difficult to stop doing it - we all blame each other but everyone in the house does it.
@UP
Yes, it’s amazing what we learn we can live without when we don’t have it with us. At the same time, it’s good to do it the way you did - have it all somewhere else in case you do miss it (like a trial separation from your stuff).
@Steph
Perspective is very important, but it’s also important not to compare. Just because you’ve never been in a situation like Brett’s and Crista’s, that doesn’t mean the stuff to which you have strong sentimental attachment has less value.
@Crista
The physical offers such a strong connection to things for that reason - the smell. Even if the smell has faded, touch is a very strong sense as well and will trigger the memory of the smell.
@Steph
The new and growth are two very good reasons for streamlining what you already have as long as it doesn’t become self-indulgent and you get rid of perfectly good things just as an excuse to go acquire more.
@Sal
Perhaps creating Sal-only a space where you can tinker would be a good compromise because it’s important that you don’t lose something that you thoroughly enjoy doing or it might build up into a resentment.
@Chris
That’s wonderful that you already live a streamlined life - you almost HAVE TO with so many kids, or chaos would be a permanent guest, no?
@UL & Brett
Donating is such a great way to streamline - it keeps things out of landfill, makes us feel good about ourselves and it helps people out. Now if only celebrities like Posh Spice could learn this lesson: http://www.organizingla.com/organizingla_blog/2008/09/victoria-beckhams-closet-is-like-aladdins-cave.html
@Cath
The table or kitchen island tend to be dumping grounds. One thing that you can do to get rid of that is to get a basket for each person and once a day transfer the contents of the table into baskets. It’ll take less than 2 minutes and no one can every accuse someone else of losing their stuff.
Brett: It’s a 1970 MG Midget. Bought it when I was 18 and drove it on a daily basis for about 5 years. Next project as soon as the outdoor kitchen and peanut gallery are done.
Lion,
Nice! Yes, project cars are kind of fun. I don’t have a classic like that, but I always make sure my daily driver can also be a project car (I have a GTI at the moment).
Brett Legree’s last blog post..things i learned from sharkboy and lavagirl.
@ Brett - I had the same experience with my son - he had some sense that there was someone else. Since then, we too celebrate the birthday.
@Crista,
Wow - that is really something special. I had read about that happening, but until our experience (and now, knowing about yours), I wasn’t sure.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..things i learned from sharkboy and lavagirl.