Last week, I sent the Lab-Rats the following:
As someone who sees the world in patterns, I’m prone to comparisons. Unfortunately when we compare ourselves to others we set ourselves for negative emotions like jealousy, bitterness and despair.
I talked about how I felt I’d missed the blog superstar boat in this post: One of Too Many from January of 2007.
After you read this post, answer the following questions:
- Do you compare yourself to others much? And do you end up in a more or less favourable light?
- How do you avoid generating negative emotions when you see the successes of others who are doing similar things that you’re working towards?
- Daniel Gilbert in Stumbling on Happiness suggests that we would be happier if we followed the advice of people doing the same things we’re doing. How often do you ask for and/or follow that advice?
(Crista excused herself this week for a girls’ weekend in a New York penthouse – a very good excuse!)
So what did the remaining Lab-Rats have to say? Let’s see:
Sal’s very much like me. He tends to be hard on himself and sees how poorly he’s doing in comparison to how well others are doing. We’re both also very impatient, thinking that we should take 15 minutes to achieve what others took years to master.
Brett used to be like Sal and me but his many many years of life experience have given him perspective and he now realizes that it’s better to find commonalities than to compare. Given that he’s the same age as me, I’m tempted to compare ourselves and find myself coming up short – how come I haven’t learned this yet? 
The Urbane Lion, being the most – ahem – mature of the group has learned how to use comparisons in a good way to boost his confidence and inspire him to new actions.
Again, Sal and I are very similar. We get all Negative Ned then we get active turning the impatience with ourselves into energy to get things done. Brett and the Urbane Lion, on the other hand, recognize everyone’s uniqueness and the futility of comparisons, making the Positive Petes of the group.
Given that being Lab-Rats was a voluntary choice, I’d be surprised if any of the three said that they didn’t ask for nor listen to advice. I, however, tend like to do things on my own unless that advice is offered in a certain way. If it’s done in a comparative or prescriptive way, I get all “you can’t tell me what to do” but if it’s offered as “hey, this helped me, it might help you, too” then I’m properly grateful and figure out how I can apply what I’ve just learned to improve what I’m doing. Brett and the Urbane Lion agree, saying that they reject advice from people who live in a winner-loser mentality (Brett) or if after thinking about the advice if it goes against their system of values (the Lion).
Overall, their answers this week (and every week) made me feel honoured to be working with them. What a truly great bunch of people I have as Lab-Rats! Every single one of them is open, honest about negative moments and willing to learn from others, which in turn means we can all learn from them.
Someday Lessons:
15 Responses to “How Do You Compare?”
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Interesting post. While I was sitting last at the “great content & No readers”, I decided to check out some random blogs, helping out the over hundreds’ applicants, I”m glad I got in here, as your advice is relevant: don’t get emotional over comparisons. Something that we should bear in mind of. Try to treat it as a positive force to help us become better, but not until it ruins relationships or our working etiquettes.
I think it would be hard not to compare ourselves to people, but I try not to use that as my measuring stick. Because I am so busy making goals for myself and crossing them off, my measuring stick is how many things I’ve crossed off my own list, not how I’m doing against someone else’s list. That said, My list is often in my life too full, and my coach has often reminded me not to act like an over-achiever but to take it easy. Baby steps!
Wendi Kelly´s last blog post..Are you Planning for the Fog?
The secret is in the picture you chose for this blog post.
When I was younger, I guess I thought everyone was an apple, so I was an apple too. So I measured myself that way.
Fast forward quite a few years - well, I’ve got four kids (including triplets), a job, a bunch of other stuff on the go - so of course I can’t devote all of my energy to a single task. You even said that to me on Twitter, Alex, about NaNoWriMo.
I mean, I’ll be working at something and see someone else is perhaps further ahead than I might be - but then I kick myself and say, “yeah, but I can do this!”
There are a whole bunch of really great and cool things that only Alex can do - Brett could only do them half as well as Alex, if that. And there’s a whole bunch of stuff that only I can do as well as I can do it.
Each of us is like this - the trick is to find out what those things are.
For the other stuff, if there’s something we have to do that perhaps we are not capable of doing at superstar level, then why not see what the superstars are doing, and copy them!
Brett Legree´s last blog post..the game.
Alex,
Your lab rat series always gets me thinking.
I’m a “both” person. I compare myself, I get the “how come I’m not X” feeling, then I get irritated with my negativity, and vow to do something about it. So I’m bummed out, then spurred on…
I’ve also got enough years under my belt to recognize that I’m comparing apples to oranges, so there’s a simultaneous conversation in my head saying, “cut it out, they’re not like you at all and you’re awesome for who YOU are and what YOU’re doing.”
On one shoulder sits Arrogance, on the other, Self-Criticism. I’m a complex chick.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post..Inspiration Points: And the Armor Weighs a Ton, Too…
1. I’m always comparing myself to others. Logically, I know I shouldn’t. Emotionally, I still do.
2. To avoid negative emotions,I remind myself “Yeah…so that person is much better than me at “X”. But maybe they can’t do “Y” or “Z”, as well as I can.
I also remind myself: “It’s NOT a contest!”
3. Unlike Brett, I feel everyone is an Apple, and I’m an Orange. I don’t often find someone who does the same things I do.
But if I do, and they’re willing to teach me, I LATCH ONTO THEM, don’t let go, and learn everything I can can.
@Friar,
Oh, don’t worry - I don’t think I’m an apple anymore either. I don’t even think I’m an orange.
Maybe a pomegranate or something…
Brett Legree´s last blog post..the game.
@Brett
Why even stick to fruit? If the world is full of apples, mabye I’m a porterhouse steak and you’re a plate full of haggis (’cause you wear a kilt!)
Friar´s last blog post..Running with the Pack: How to Blog Inside the Box
@Friar,
Good point. Do we have to be food? Maybe I can be the robot Gort from The Day The Earth Stood Still
Brett Legree´s last blog post..the game.
@Brett
Maybe I’ll be a steaming bowl of Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Friar´s last blog post..Running with the Pack: How to Blog Inside the Box
Here’s the way I look at it: I like being a pomegranate among those apples and oranges.
Karen Putz´s last blog post..You’re Not Really…Deaf, Are You?
This has nothing to do with this post right now, but Alex, I got my book!! Thank you so much for sending me Stumbling on Happiness. I’ve already read the intro aloud to Colin…
steph´s last blog post..Boredom is a Bitch
Oh look! My blog’s been Friar Brett hijacked they was they normally take over Kelly’s blog. Woo hoo!
LOL. You lucky dog, you.
I want to be a chocolate truffle. Flavored with champagne. Heck with all this fruit, and heck with the manly stuff. Mmm….
Kelly´s last blog post..Why Today?
@Alex,
Heh heh heh and we were even at work
lucky for you it wasn’t the weekend!
@Kelly,
You would make a good truffle.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..the game.
Brett,
BWAH ha ha. You always know just what to say, you dear thing!
Kelly´s last blog post..Inspiration Points: And the Armor Weighs a Ton, Too…