What with all my procrastinating last week, I completely forgot to send my Lab-Rats this week’s post and questions, so yesterday morning I improvised and got two responses. I’m putting the Urbane Lion’s and Crista’s responses below and then asking the rest of you to play along. Next week I’ll do a roundup of your responses like I did yesterday.
Start by reading this post: The Grand Game then answer the following:
1. Give me an example of when you shut down instead of playing the game.
I like playing games. And, I’m not talking about the game of life here. Just games. Playing video games will let me blow off some of the steam. Difference is, if I get stuck in a video game, I’ll just quit. At least for a little while. Then, I’ll change my approach and try again and eventually beat it. Because I absolutely love exploring and discovering new things, I don’t give up easily. As long as I’m discovering new things and the end result is worth while, I’ll stick it to the end.
2. Give me an example of when you wanted to say no, said yes instead and created a success of some sort.
I wanted to give our kitchen a rustic Tuscan flair to it. An ordinary stainless steel sink would have stuck out like a sore thumb. Instead, I decided to pour myself a concrete sink. The plan was fairly simple (at least it seemed that way in my head). Construction of the mold caused me a few headaches. Then, the actual pouring inside the house! This whole adventure spanned over quite a few weeks (months??). Images of me giving the sink a bad time with a sledge hammer were occurring more and more often and also brought a strange feeling of peacefulness. But, I stuck it out and I am now the proud owner of a 500 lbs sink.
3. Finish the sentence:
When I feel completely stuck and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and charge ahead!
I think I play The Grand Game a lot. So when I shut down, it’s a sign that I’m tired, or losing hope and getting sick of playing. Sometimes that can be a simple shut down - like not cheering up the grumpy grocery clerk at the store. Or, it can be a more profound thing, like in my relationships after a long, tiring day. In my work with bereaved parents, my initial internal response is always, “No, I don’t want to walk this path again.” But I usually say yes because I know it purges a layer of my own grief, and I feel like I’m making a meaningful difference to someone else and there’s always a sense of success.
When I do feel completely stuck, all I want to do is retreat and recharge.
I almost play “The Grand Game” in my own mind. I think about the people who bring joy and the experiences that bring me life. And thankfully, that has allowed me to continue playing.
7 Responses to “Improvising Life: Do You Play Along?”
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Please join in the conversation and leave a comment - I’d love to hear from you!
As I didn’t make the time to come back yesterday and do this, I’ll do it now.
1. I will shut down and not “play the game” when it is very obvious to me that the game is only to further someone else’s desires, while at the same time doing nothing but hurting me. The classic “win-lose” from Covey. I see it a lot where I work now, to be honest. I won’t play those kinds of games.
2. In my previous department, one of my peers was the sort to not want to do anything “outside of her comfort zone”. She asked me one time to do a job that she was uncomfortable doing - she didn’t want to look bad, if it didn’t work - and really, I wanted to say no. But I thought, “what the heck!”, did it, and enabled us to get a critical piece of equipment back up and running.
3. When I feel completely stuck, all I want to do is sidestep around the problem. There’s always another way to get to your goal, though it might not be obvious at first.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..summer’s end.
1. If I don’t like the game (whether it’s recreational or Real-Life), I’ll stick around and still give it a few more honest tries.
Just to assure myself that the problem is not with me, but the game itself.
And who knows? Maybe the game gets better after a few more attempts.
If I’m still not happy after that, and it’s not “fun” anymore, then I bail out, and I have no regrets.
2. I had to fix some rain gutters and install some trim around my basement windows. And it stressed me out, as I am the WORST handyman in the world.
I was tempted to hire someone else to do it. But I forced myself to do the reapirs on my own.
Okay, I realize on a Grand Scale, these are Mickey-Mouse repairs. But I DID IT. And now, every time I walk by and see my handiwork, I feel a little bit of pride.
3. When I get stuck, I want to take a Time-Out.
I want to leave the problem, give myself a break, and then come back to it when I’ve cleared my head and have had time to think about it.
That always seem to work for me.
Friar´s last blog post..Travels with the Bear: Watching Germans Fight
1. The last stupid government board promotion process. I couldn’t play the game any longer. I went into the game, not wanting to play. I lost the game.
2. Online dating. Now there’s a game if there ever was one! I didn’t want to play anymore, and for awhile I didn’t. Then I thought, what the heck, I’ll make up my own damn rules. I met the Urbane Lion. In less than two weeks, we celebrate our one year anniversary.
3. When I feel completely stuck, all I want to do is say f**k it, and walk away. I used to walk away. A lot. Now I go take a break, and come back at it refreshed.
P.S. I can attest to the fact that the Urbane Lion does not give up! He will walk away for a bit, but he ALWAYS comes back to it. And often the results are better than he started out to achieve.
Urban Panther´s last blog post..We are now entering the Focused Phase
1. Give me an example of when you shut down instead of playing the game. Hmmm. I can’t think of a specific time. I’m not a game player. They make me angry. Board games, okay, but mind games or any other type of game that’s playing with me and it’s not fun, I don’t tolerate that much at all. I stop playing as soon as I can. They’re doing it to Colin at work and it’s driving me batty. He can take it. Me, I quit the conversation, the job, whatever. I walk away.
2. Give me an example of when you wanted to say no, said yes instead and created a success of some sort. I really didn’t want to be maid of honour for my friend. But I said yes, because I’d said no every other time I’d been asked by someone. And I was great at it! I did almost everything. And the day of, I took full charge. People loved me! She loved me! It’s not that I single-handedly made her wedding a success, but I had a great deal to do with it. People still talk about it two years later. For me, it was huge because I’d said no all the time out of fear. Since then I’ve stood for my sister as well.
Oh, also when people kept bugging me last year to get my financial advisor licence and “join the team.” (My husband had done it and they wanted the wife to be totally supportive, see.) Math and finances and insurance and running my own business and finding my own clients: NOT ME. But I said yes. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done was the exam. I shed hot tears for four hours during, watched people quit and leave the exam room, and sat myself back down several times. Everything was screaming at me to give up. I didn’t understand anything. Then I bawled all the way home and all night. I cried for 6 hours after, thinking I had failed and completely wasted my time studying and taking the course, etc. But I passed and have helped people since.
One more (because, wow, this is cool): One day at work last year, staff kept bugging me to get my driver’s licence. It felt like a game. I wanted to say “eff off already!” but I said fine, take me right now, we’ll leave work on lunch and I’ll go write the test. Until lunch I did simulated tests online, went and passed the written test, signed up for lessons and later passed my driver’s test, not even a year ago. I AM SO GLAD I SAID YES!!
3. Finish the sentence: When I feel completely stuck, all I want to do ESCAPE! Or cry. Or call on Havi.
steph´s last blog post..What I Know for Sure, No. 2
Great questions Alex -
Let’s see….
1) Give me an example of when you shut down instead of playing the game.
I shut down when the game is no longer fun, the loser is pouting and/or when I’m tired.
2) Example of when you wanted to say no, said yes instead and created a success of some sort.
This past summer my husband wanted to go to the car races (an hour drive away). I was tired after doing house work all day, but agreed. We got there and the excitement the speed of the cars caused got me re-energized and I had a grand time. We went every weekend after that and it ended up being something I looked forward to all week.
3) When I feel completely stuck, all I want to do is walk away, put it out of my mind and come back later with a new perspective. Sometimes a nap works wonders.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog post..Tom Volkar - Life Work Coach - Answers My Questions And Yours
I’m a gonna join in too!
1) I give up playing the game when I lose perspective. I forget it’s a game, get all serious and then just shut down, curl up and pout until I remember how boring that is.
2) A time I wanted to say no, but said yes. Erm…I don’t tend to do that! I tend not to do something out of obligation. I will use peer pressure to get me to do something I’m afraid of though. So I’ll be wanting to say no, but secretly wanting to say yes anyway - does that count?
Examples of that included coming out, doing daft things with friends (ever been on top of a moving car? stupid idea but great fun) and getting over my fear of heights by going climbing in France.
3) When I feel completely stuck, all I want to do is be all grumpy and emotional then take a break, try again harder, and win. If I remember to get perspective I may see that I’m fighting something I don’t need to or that the best thing to do is let go, but usually I’ll keep pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing…
James | Dancing Geek´s last blog post..Time’s a ticking on this one…
[...] way people interpret language always amazes me. When I wrote the word game in my Lab-Rat post last week, I meant it in terms of the game of improvisation I mentioned in my blog post The Grand Game. When [...]