The other day in the comments to my interview with Amy, James from Men with Pens ranted about people who know they aren’t happy but don’t do anything about it. I promised him to discuss that topic today with the Lab-Rats. And here it is…
The tagline for Someday Syndrome is Procrastination. Choice. Happiness. It means with to achieve happiness, you need to stop procrastinating about your life and you do that by making choices. I made this realization about 5 months into blogging with this post: Happy Yet?
Simple, no? But then why do so many of us know what would make us happy, yet choose not to move towards it? We use procrastination as a way to keep that happiness at bay.
This week, the Lab-Rats had only one question to answer and it was a doozy:
The two responses I got (from Brett and from Crista) were so articulate and provided what I believe to be the main two reasons for procrastination, that I’m going to let them tell you in their own words.
Why do we do it? I sum it up like this - it is like Newton’s First Law of Motion:
“A body continues to maintain its state of rest or of uniform motion unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force.” This law is known as the law of inertia.
(from Wikipedia)
Let’s face it, most of us have pretty good lives, we hope. I find I can take a lot of abuse at work, and still I keep coming back, because I know I get to go home at the end of the day. Maybe it would be easier to pursue my Someday Dream if I got a pink slip. An external unbalanced force, to so speak.
As bad as it might be, we can rationalize that it isn’t really *that* bad, because there isn’t a man with a gun standing behind us, threatening to kill us.
But in fact, there is - that man’s name is Time. And he will kill us, no doubt of that.
So what the hell are we doing?
Have I ever chosen procrastination over happiness? Oh yes, I am sad to say I have, and I still do - but I’m getting better at it.
I don’t think people choose procrastination over happiness, I just think they allow fear to command their lives. In the example, “Happy Yet?” Alex delays his dream of full-time writing. Was he really deferring happiness, or was he feeding his fear of rejection for an extra 10 years?
Maybe I’m wrong in assuming that Alex responds in the same way I do. I speak confidently on this topic because I have just begun to banish procrastination from my routine (thanks to the internal digging these postings have forced). Since returning to school, I realized procrastination was a real problem for me. I completed assignments and papers at the last minute and created family stress in the process. It wasn’t intentional, I just didn’t know “what to say” and I didn’t want to “look stupid”.
There are also important decisions I’ve delayed because I don’t want to deal with the consequences, in fear that they are the wrong decisions.
So why does fear, which can disguise itself as procrastination, win out over happiness?
I once read that people are more afraid of success than of failure because deep down, we don’t feel deserving of success.
Could that be the same with happiness? Although I’m an extremely optimistic person, feeling fear and disappointment comes more naturally and if I’m not careful, it can cloud my thinking and feeling. Plus, it’s easier to complain about failures than to celebrate our wins.
Why is it we don’t easily identify the incredible little miracles that happen in our lives every day? Wouldn’t that add to our happiness? We choose procrastination over happiness because it’s easier to provide excuses to delay life’s important decisions, than it is to say, “I’m afraid.”
35 Responses to “Why Do We Choose to Be Unhappy?”
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Good stuff, guys, and I agree with both of you. It’s easy to do nothing versus making change. It’s also scary to change.
I’ll add one to Christa’s. People think, “I’m not good enough.” It may be that you thought you didn’t want to be embarrassed or look stupid, but you also thought you weren’t good enough and *would* be embarrassed or look stupid if you tried.
Banish assumptions. God, what roadblocks they are. I’m trying (and it’s really fucking hard) to remove all assumptions from my life. Those I have removed unblocked a MASSIVE ton of good stuff, lowered my stress and made me all coolio zen.
Sort of, anyways.
James Chartrand - Men with Pens´s last blog post..What Grocery Stores Teach You About Free Content
Yes, fear is definitely at the root of procrastination.
Once you decide you really want to get past it and start doing something that will make you happy, it is very scary. Why? Because, it is often very difficult to get the people in your life to come on board.
Of course the people who love us want to support us but they also have their own fears of change. Their lives will also be affected by our ‘new’ changed lives and that subconsciously keeps them from truly supporting you.
The best example I can think of is when people try to lose weight. Their families often have to make changes as well - new kinds of food, no more snacks in the house etc. And they like the way things were so they don’t necessarily ‘help’ with the change.
For me, having very few supporters in my life has added to my fear of actually making a change and being successful at what I want. It’s a lonely place to be.
Lynn Crymble´s last blog post..Where’s the Love for Canadian Internet Users?
James,
What you said is key, and something I struggled with for a long time (now I may have gone too far the other way, because I’m totally awesome!!!) - but seriously, that is a big roadblock, thinking we’re not good enough.
But we are. I believe Naomi wrote about that a while ago.
We don’t need to be “the best” at something, just “good enough”, because good enough is amazing for many people, if they want to buy your stuff, for instance.
I think Dave Navarro also wrote something like that - I mean, if you are a 4 or 5 out of 10 at something, you’re probably better at it than 95 percent or more of the people out there.
Which means you might be able to run a business in that area, if you wanted to - you can start and as you get better at it you will move from a 4 out of 10 to an 8 out of 10, perhaps.
Example: when I met you and Harry, I knew nothing about Wordpress and blog design. I still don’t know as much as you guys do, but I know more than 95 percent of the planet - which means, hey, maybe I couldn’t do what you do, but I could set up a blog consulting business for folks who know absolutely nothing.
I could be a middle man between my clients and you guys. You do what you do really well, and I know the market and the lingo from which my customers come.
I know I’m good enough to do that, and a whole lot more.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
James, you are so right about the “I’m not good enough” fear. That one is always in my face. Thank you for adding that.
Alex
This isn’t necessarily directed at your blog. But I’ve been reading a lot of posts on the blogosphere lately, where I almost feel like I’m being scolded.
Blogs telling us we need our asses kicked. Blogs blaming us for being unhappy and why aren’t we doing something about it? Blogs blaming us for working shitty office jobs.
Why aren’t we fulfilling our dreams and earning six figures doing what we love? Why aren’t we doing it RIGHT NOW?
Geez, I almost feel like I’m some kind of screw-up for holding down a mundane job and paying for the roof over my head.
I almost feel like saying Sor-ree for not yet having reached that Zen-Like state of self-actualization.
But sometimes there’s a reason people put things off. Because maybe mentally they’re “not there” yet. Maybe they’re dealing with other things.
It’s easy to tell someone to just “DO IT”. But we dont’ know what they’re going through.
Maybe Cancer. Death in the family. Divorce. Toxic work conditions. Chronic pain or injury. Getting laid off. Major Surgery. Family problems. Financial problems. Maybe a combination of everything.
Those are big events, that you just don’t get over in couple of days and move on.
Sometimes people need time to grieve and/or time to heal.
Or maybe they just catch their breath before starting the next Major Life Project.
I’m not saying it’s good to procrastinate forever…but I think we should cut ourselves some slack sometimes.
Friar´s last blog post..Cleansing Waters
@ Friar - I agree. And I fully believe that if that’s the case, then people need to stand up and take ownership of those fact and deal with them.
Too many people sit around and whine. Too many people point to external factors instead of looking to themselves. Too many people put up blog posts that cry and show they’re wallowing in their misery.
So I’ll take a damned swift kick in the pants any day instead of reading yet another “Oh, my life is a misery.”
Everyone’s fucking life is a misery in some way or another. Even those who have it golden have tarnish on their perfection.
I think the ass-kicking would reduce itself if more people took ownership and responsibility for their lives. “My life sucks right now because of X factor. I’m not particularly happy, and I’m going to stay this way because YZABC. I’d like to eventually move on to GREATLIFE, and I’ll keep that in mind. Now is not the time.”
That’s all I need to hear. And that, I understand completely and fully. But pity parties? No thanks. I’ll pass.
/rant
James Chartrand - Men with Pens´s last blog post..What Grocery Stores Teach You About Free Content
@James
Now that’s a kick in the ass and my ass thanks you for it. Re-read my comment and saw that I am blaming external factors (even though I thought otherwise).
Enough of that.
Lynn Crymble´s last blog post..Where’s the Love for Canadian Internet Users?
@James
I agree, sometimes there are times when a kick in the arse is warranted.
Like if someone is lazy, refuses to learn from their own mistakes, and they’re blaming the whole world for their problems except themselves.
But other times it isn’t. If someone is burning the candle at both ends, and having a hard time coping, the LAST thing they need is someone to say “Suck one up, and take one for the team”.
That’s not necessarily a motivator,…in fact, it often does just the opposite.
Whenever I hear people say “deal with it”, or ‘get over it”, I find there’s often an immaturity. Whoever’s saying that often hasn’t been knocked around by life enough, and doesn’t understand what the other other person is going through.
Instead of a kick in the arse, what I prefer is compassion…an understanding of the other person’s point of view, and providing them with constructive feedback.
“Dude. Sorry, that really sucks, man. Hey, lets go have a beer and talk about it. I can listen, and maybe we can figure out how to fix things”.
That’s quite different from pity.
Friar´s last blog post..Cleansing Waters
@ Friar - I think we’re saying the same thing in different words.
That you want compassion, understanding and a beer is personal preference. That works *for you*.
What works for me is direct speech, action and facts. Beer, too. That works *for me*.
Someone else might want something else. These are needs and fulfilling needs - this has nothing to do with it, I think. Or maybe it does, but not for the point I’m going to make.
You said:
The biggest excuse I hear for suffering unhappiness is “I’m doing this now so I can be happy later”.
For example, I have a friend who makes a solid mid six figure income but pays for it with his health. On weekends, he’s a sack of potatoes, catching up on lost sleep. He travels constantly, suffering jet lag, entertains clients everywhere and is consequently overweight and had to have surgery and wear a colostomy bag for a year or more.. he’s a mess, physically and mentally.
Why? For the money, of course. Because “someday” all those riches will buy him happiness.
Uh, yeah: if it doesn’t kill him first.
A bit less extreme, but I know many people who work at jobs they really detest because they get $10 or $20K more than they would doing something else. That’s stupid, in my opinion.
OK, I’ve done it too. I’ve taken a job for the money and regretted it almost instantly. I’ll admit to being stupid. I probably wouldn’t have listened to anyone who tried to tell me that I was being foolish, but maybe somebody reading this column will hear the wake up call.
By the way, I’m about as happy as anyone can be right now.. the only thing I’m procrastinating is some work I want to get done this week
Anthony Lawrence´s last blog post..What I want in my next GPS by Anthony Lawrence
Tony,
You read my mind. I wonder if it is because I’m getting older, but I keep running into more and more cases of people doing this and paying for it.
Yesterday I was talking with a co-worker about another guy we both know who had sold some property in Florida (with a mobile home and a car on it). I had remarked that I was half-seriously considering buying it.
My co-worker said, “the reason why Bill sold it is because, with only 1 year to go before retirement, he’s been diagnosed with terminal cancer”.
Sad. Knowing what I know about the gentleman in question, he likely could have retired long ago and still been okay financially, but he kept coming in here.
Now it is too late.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
Brett:
I’ve said a particular thing more than once and people don’t seem to believe it, but it’s true:
If I knew that I’d be dead tomorrow morning, I’d have no regrets.
I don’t mean that I don’t have projects I’d like to finish or places I’d like to see, people I want to hug again.. no, I mean that I’ve had a good life, no a GREAT life. I’ve been happy during almost all of it.
I don’t mean I never suffered poverty, pain, disappointment: I absolutely have. But I have arranged my life to be HAPPY. I work for myself doing work I truly enjoy for customers I genuinely like (if I don’t like them, I don’t keep them as customers). I make time for the people I love and I make time for myself. I really couldn’t feel cheated if it’s suddenly time to go.
I’m not rich - well, compared to most of the world, of course I am, but by U.S. standards, no, not at all. But we have everything we need and when we don’t, well, I just work a little harder until we do and then I go back to what I call PMR mode (Pretty Much Retired mode) - working, but not so much that anyone would notice.
The best advice I can give to anyone is to think of happiness first.
Anthony Lawrence´s last blog post..What I want in my next GPS by Anthony Lawrence
Tony,
I remember you saying that, and I believe it.
I thought about it myself, after you said it, and at the end of my thoughts, I decided that I’m in the same situation.
I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do so far, pretty much (okay, haven’t walked on the moon, but let’s be realistic).
So I have to say I’m pretty happy. Doesn’t mean there are not other things I don’t want to do that will make me happy (and I’m working towards them) - but if I don’t get to do them, that’s okay.
Like you say, take the time to make the time for people you love, and for yourself.
Every day when we drop our kids off at the daycare, I hug each of them. Our oldest is starting to say, “Daaaad…” but I still do it.
Today, we were in a bit of a hurry but I still insisted on doing it. My wife thought I was a bit silly because we would “be late”.
And then not long after we got to work, I learned that one of my co-workers lost her daughter (who also worked here) in a car accident. First thing this morning, on her way to work, young lady who just started here about a month ago, and now she’s gone.
Make the time for those you love.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
Keep hugging your kids, Brett.
My very best to you and your family.
Oh, and also to everyone reading this. If you aren’t happy now, whether it’s from “Someday Syndrome” or anything else, make that your priority from this moment on.
Anthony Lawrence´s last blog post..What I want in my next GPS by Anthony Lawrence
Oh I will - thanks Tony, and you you and yours.
They grow up so fast, and things can change in the blink of an eye. So yes, make happy your priority from this point forward. No regrets.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
(the first “you” should have been a “to”…)
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
I think both Brett and Crista were so wise here, I don’t really know what else to add. I do think striving for ultimate happiness or that elusive sense of life purpose is a struggle because we may be quite content with our lives and that’s a familiar feeling. But the feeling of ultimate satisfaction and happiness (like when you achieve a long held dream or desire) is so alien that we don’t know what it is that we’re working towards. This lack of clarity and feeling of what the end goal would be like leaves us trapped in the good enough, contented zone, where we do just enough to get by, but don’t break out for the ultimate prize.
I think this is what affects me anyway, especially with my writing. I have a good life now, and what it would feel like to have my dream and be a successful published author is so unreal to me, I find other things to work on that are more real. If that makes sense.
Kelly
@Kelly - Everyone is making sense to me on this and the conversation is thoughtful and meaningful - I love it! The etymology of this word is from *procrastinationem* meaning “belonging to tomorrow”. Perhaps procrastination is our humanly way of birthing hopes, ideas, thoughts, wants, desires and happiness when they’re ripe to be born, rather than when we’d like them to be.
Hi Alex,
Your asking a really important question and judging by the answers it is a subject that touches us all on some levels.
I experienced an aha moment when some guy unsubscribed from my blog with the words “you need to lighten up”. My first reaction was like “what the …” but then I had to admit that he is right. In the past couple of months I have been increasingly negative and to blame my illness for this wouldn’t be fair to myself.
The thing is, usually I’m a happy person, always trying to find solutions, rather than whine. This time though I just let it all rip.
In hindsight I know this wasn’t helpful to alleviate the problem that bugged me. Having said this, I also believe that by wallowing and feeling miserable, it gave me a renewed strength and outlook at my life.
Truth be spoken, I do feel like a reborn person now and getting the kick up the bum was just what I needed - of course in a gentle way.
Sometimes we need to see the black to appreciate the white!
Monika Mundell´s last blog post..Fast Track Your Article Writing Time
Wow! What a discussion happening… Glad to see this topic really stirred things up!
@James
The embarrassment factor is huge. No one wants to be an Ugly Betty, screwing up for the whole world to point and laugh at.
@Lynn
That’s so true how the people who love us often don’t want us to change, even if it is for the better. I think that’s part of the Comfort Trap. I remember having clients whose families were so against getting organized because it meant changing the way things were done that we had to stop the work.
@Brett
“Good enough” is definitely something I taught as an organizer. Perfection is the reason many people aren’t organized - if they can’t have perfection then they don’t know where to start. I admit to some perfectionist tendencies and that really hampered my ability to learn Spanish when I first arrived in Spain.
@Friar
I know exactly what you mean. When you’re not ready to move, or when you’re actually truly in a situation that needs compassion, an ass-kicking is the worst thing. I remember when I suffered from my mis-diagnosed fibromyalgia, whenever someone said to me “well, just get over it and get moving, you look fine” I’d shrink back and clam up. Now when my yeast issues arise (the real culprit), I have a tendency to no say anything and try to push through because of the past reactions I’d get to feeling sick or low.
That’s why with this blog the ass-kicking comes with empathy and love. I know some people aren’t in a place where they can move forward. The ass-kicking is for people who are ready and just aren’t doing anything about it.
Now I have tomorrow’s post topic! Thanks!
@Anthony
Yes, I’ve never understood the attitude of bad now for better later. I am willing to do things that I don’t enjoy to reach a goal that will make me very happy, but I won’t live mostly unhappy for a potential happy later. That just doesn’t make sense.
@Kelly
What you said described my life before leaving Canada perfectly. I was happy enough so never really did anything about my dream. It was when I reached the point of doing a whole bunch of things that I didn’t enjoy for a potential pay off later that I realized good enough in this case wasn’t enough and had to make a change.
@Crista
Ooh, word origins! I love it! And great thought. That gives me something to think about for future posts…
@Monika
I totally get the wallowing while sick thing. It takes a whole lot of strength to stay positive while it feels like your world is falling apart. I spent nine years that way and when it comes up again I still find I wallow.
I like James’ approach and I think I’ll give that a try when I feel low. Accept it, state it, be good to myself and do what I can until it passes.
And like you, I’ll try to lighten up on my bad days…
@ Alex/Friar - Okay, I agree that people who say, “Oh come on, just get over it,” when you’re sick or disheartened isn’t the right thing to hear.
That usually comes from personal friends and family who mean well but who have no clue what it feels like to be in that position.
I find that people who do the ass kicking are the people who know exactly how you feel, because they’ve been there, done that and probably a few times. They know damned well what the difference between reality and an excuse may be.
Example:
My brother has a depression. He has a hard time getting up in the morning. He wants to lie there. It’s tough to face the day. His wife doesn’t understand, and she tells him, “Just get up and do something.”
It’s not that easy. This is where compassion and a gentle nudge, and not giving up, counts.
My sister in law has depression. She’s so sick that she cannot get out of bed most days. At all. She’s been that way for almost two decades now.
Two decades. That, I’m sorry, needs an ass kicking. Get a new doctor. Change meds. DO SOMETHING.
James Chartrand - Men with Pens´s last blog post..What Grocery Stores Teach You About Free Content
@James
Exactly!
@Alex,
I agree, this is a great discussion - I’ve enjoyed reading the back and forth.
@James,
That’s a really good explanation of the subtle differences, especially the first part. Often times people don’t really know what to say, and it comes out the wrong way.
I know this often happens in situations when a person has lost someone. I remember when we lost our daughter, and a counselor said to us, “people will say all kinds of things, such as ‘it is God’s way’, and so on, and though it may not come out right to you, it is because they really don’t know what to say”.
There actually were a lot of people who said funny things, and putting myself in their shoes, I didn’t hold it against them or anything, I just said “thanks for your thoughts”.
It made me think, too, because in a situation like that, usually the best thing to say is “I’m sorry to hear of your loss, and I’m here for you if you need me”.
I know that’s a bit different from what we were discussing, just thought it was a good example of folks not knowing what to say.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
@ Brett - Funny you mention that, actually.
When my Dad died, many people came to me and said, “I’m sorry.” Not, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “I’m sorry that you’re hurting,” just, “I’m sorry.”
At 17, I was angry, hurting and confused. What stuck in my mind? “Why are you sorry? You didn’t kill him! What do you have to be sorry about?”
The result was that even today, I have great difficulties hearing the words, “I’m sorry.” My immediate, immediate reaction is to answer, “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do this.”
Makes for difficult conveyance of the message when people really are sorry
And makes for one confused James because he doesn’t understand the word sorry.
I think my point is to say that how WE interpret words and perceive them is more important and reflects more on us than the person SAYING the words.
That’s what had me butting heads with Friar (albeit in a friendly way). I felt he was blaming others for what they say and how they say it, instead of looking inwards at how we receive messages.
Do I need more coffee here?
And Alex, did you ever expect to have this many comments? LOL
James Chartrand - Men with Pens´s last blog post..What Grocery Stores Teach You About Free Content
@James,
We can always use more coffee
you know, your point is totally right.
Communication is a funny thing, the intent of the message vs. the interpretation of the message.
I know that I grew exponentially in my own personal experience that I described, as far as how to understand what people think and what they say.
(Whenever my damned book comes out) it will be an interesting part of my story.
There was the part that I mentioned about the counselor - and so, I try (though I’m not perfect) to always see it from the other side.
And then, there had to be the coolest thing I’d ever heard from a religious person. We had our minister there for the whole thing, we had our daughter christened when she was born and last rites administered when she passed away. There was only about an hour between the two points.
Anyway, the grief counselor had already said what she said, and our minister (who is one of the coolest ladies I’ve ever met) said, “Sometimes, bad things like this just happen, and it is no one’s fault. If you have to blame someone for this, blame God - he has big shoulders, he can take it and he will understand your pain and anguish”.
Somehow, it made sense then and it still makes sense to me, years later.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
I’m not a religious person at all - quite the opposite - and I think it can really be cruel when people say things like “It’s God’s way” and so on.
I like what Brett’s minister told him. Things happen, and that’s really all there is to say. If you are religious, then you should turn to your beliefs - not for blame or explanation, but for comfort.
If you are not religious, you are already accustomed to not looking for blame. Some things just don’t have blame, or if they do, it’s silly: a little piece of DNA didn’t do its job and someone dies. Cosmic radiation, a stray bit of something environmental that got in the way, a pathogen interfered? It doesn’t matter sometimes: you can look for cause if you must, but looking for blame is foolish.
I don’t like “blame” anyway. It can be a very harmful emotion because it is so strongly tied to revenge.
Anyway, it’s turkey day down here in the States so we’ll be heading out soon for our daughter’s house. We have to make the stuffing and potatoes first so I had better get cracking!
Anthony Lawrence´s last blog post..What I want in my next GPS by Anthony Lawrence
Tony,
I agree with you regarding blame - it can be dangerous.
I really did appreciate what the minister said, though. I know it was more important to my wife than to me, as she is somewhat religious and, well, I’m just this pagan Viking guy.
(Though I was raised Roman Catholic, I formed my own ideas when I was a teen, when my parents were almost killed an an auto accident. After much thought, I realized it was no one’s fault, there was no one to blame, it wasn’t about fair or unfair, it just “was” - and I got on with my life. That might be why I have a chaos tattoo on my left arm…)
Have a wonderful day with your family, Tony.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
I think what your minister said was fantastic. So much better than the pablum most dish out. I think she said the right thing. I agree that she must be a very “cool” woman.
It’s very hard for us to accept “it just is”. Our brains are very tuned toward explanations, especially when it comes to things that harm us or our families. That’s natural: if we can find the reason, we might avoid the distress in the future. So we urgently seek a cause.
Obviously religion provides the ultimate explanation: when all else turns up blank, you can always blame it on the gods. I don’t see how that makes it any better, but if it works for some people, good for them.
And good for people like that minister who help people through their grief. While overall I’m not a fan of religion, there are a few religious people here and there that do genuine good and the world is a better place because of them.
Anthony Lawrence´s last blog post..What I want in my next GPS by Anthony Lawrence
Yeah, I think she is pretty extraordinary for that type of person, in my own experience.
Maybe the best counselors make the best ministers, or vice versa.
(I’ve actually heard her say the “F” word a few times, too. Nice to know they are human…)
Brett Legree´s last blog post..week 2 - check up.
@Brett
Wish I had had your mininster for my Dad’s funeral. It sure would have been better than the stuffy old priests we had.
Unfortunately, good ministers like her are quite rare.
Friar´s last blog post..Friar’s Guide to Blogging Stereotypes
Hey Alex,
Have I been out of touch or what. Love the new site look, love the discussion. Don’t love the number of times someday still shows up in my world. The good news: it’s less and less these days.
Why do we not do what we want i.e. follow the dreams?
I subscribe to the inertia - fear theory. It’s just too scarey to jump ship before you know for absolute certain that the ship you have been waiting for is there. Meanwhile, staying put is so easy and so comfortable. For that matter, so is complaining that the ship never comes in etc. etc. etc.
Cheers Carolyn
Carolyn Caldwell´s last blog post..Where is Everything - Policies and Procedures
[...] in the first Lab Rat series, I talked about inertia as one of the reasons why people choose to be unhappy even when they know what they want out of life. That discussion prompted a section in I’ll [...]
Brilliant and inspiring article. I think one thing that prevents some of us from choosing to be happy is because we feel we don’t deserve to be happy, assuming I’m not the only one.