Decisions are difficult things. You’d think the troubles would end once a decision’s been made. Unfortunately however often it feels like the problems are just beginning, mainly because once we’ve made a decision we need to implement it. And generally, the larger the decision, the larger the impact.
We are often unaware of this impact and when it hits us, we sometimes think we’ve made the wrong decision and back away.
Because of that, I always suggest an exercise that creates awareness of what’s going on and asks as the end of the day: How happy am I? (See the bottom of this post for how to create your own Happiness Log.)
For Someday Syndrome’s newest Lab-Rat, Carrie McK (read her introductory interview here), her big decision to move away from the life she’s known has created huge emotional upheaval. By creating a Happiness Log, she kept track of her emotions and was able to pull out the good part of each day and evaluate the whole day in terms of her overall sense of happiness.
Take a look at what she wrote. Whenever I do this exercise, I’m always amazed at how even when I’ve had a totally crap day, I’m able to pull out something that helps me realize that the crap is small and the happy things more than compensate. What do you see in Carrie’s log? I see commitment to act and to focus on happiness despite fear.
Friday November 28th:
I was devastatingly sad. It was debilitating and I could barely pull myself off of the bathroom floor in order to get myself to a family gathering. I knew that if I could just get there my family would infuse me with the love I needed to help, at least a little, alleviate my suffering. I went to the gathering and while I still had challenging moments the interaction with people really helped.Friday was a very sad day but by bedtime I felt peaceful and somewhat spiritually maintained by my decision to move to Korea. It felt like alight at the end of my tunnel and the first step in a journey to save my heart and soul.
Saturday November 29th:
Another sad day. I was an emotional mess again. More family obligations; the day was a constant battle to stay positive and focused on my family and try to enjoy the time with them.At the end of the day I was able to come back to my world and there was some emotional turmoil to deal with but overall I felt a lot better by bedtime. The day was okay, but still characterized by sadness.
Sunday November 30th:
Today was a much more grounded day. I started the day with a meditation workshop and that helped to keep me calm and focused throughout the day. My emotional stress was lessened and I felt strong enough to heal myself. Today I felt that I was living with intention. I also bought and started to read a new book called The Five Things We Cannot Change and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them. It is by David Richo and I have been carrying around his book called How To Be An Adult. This new book really spoke to me.At the end of the day, I am peaceful and positive.
Monday December 1st:
Work totally stressed me out today, but I decided to quit the way too liberal “sometime” cigarette smoking I have been doing. That was successful. I found out about a really good and thrifty deal at a restaurant, so I met a friend out and we had a great time. I went to sleep happy after having a stressful day.Tuesday December 2nd:
Today was long and busy but overall good. Work was stressful again but I ran into an old friend in the super market and my self esteem was high all day. I accomplished a lot today and finally got my letters of recommendation back and mailed them along for my application, which is now complete. I have an excited, peaceful, hopeful and melancholy feeling. The kind of feeling you get when you can feel your life changing.Wednesday December 3rd:
Today was fine. I have distractions from my daily drama and heartbreak. I am constantly trying to evaluate what love is. I hosted book club tonight and I profoundly enjoy the club and the conversation that always ensues. I feel good tonight. I am hopeful about the future and somewhat detached from any kind of permanent idea about my life here.Thursday December 4th:
Today was again a little rough for me. I hit a speed bump on my application process for Korea and I freaked out. I am realizing that my happiness is directly linked to having an option of getting the hell out of here. My mother says it seems like I am running away; I say I am running towards something. In the end I have resolved to stay at it and keep trying.Friday December 5th:
Today was an overall good day. I met with a good friend and took care of myself a bit. I went to sleep happy and feeling in control.
To create your own Happiness Log, in a notebook (or in your computer) each day write down:
11 Responses to “Do You Know How Happy You Are?”
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“Happiness does not exist in autopilot mode. It only exists when you’re aware of it. Everything else is merely comfort.”
Oh autopilot, my dear close companion who has seen me through so many years, how can I rebuke thee?
Comfort is what you have to make up for being unhappy. If you’re happy, you don’t need comfort. If being without comfort frightens you, you’re not happy.
Hmmm, just chucking some corollaries around to see what happens. You’ve got me thinking, Alex.
James | Dancing Geek´s last blog post..Identification, Self expression, Conformity and a rant
@James DG
I like this one! Very nice!
This is interesting. Last night, the whole evening was a total suck bomb. The kids and I argued, everyone was in a bad mood, supper sucked… just a whole write off.
When I tucked my toddler into bed, I said, “It was a yucky day, eh?”
“Yeah. It was.” She looked unhappy.
“I know. I’m sorry. But hey, you played in the snow. That was good, right?”
“Yeah, it was!” She perked.
“And I had a good guitar lesson,” I added, and then we started telling each other about all the good things that had happened throughout the day.
The bad? Completely forgotten.
James Chartrand - Men with Pens´s last blog post..Drive-by-Shooting Sundays: Writer Dad
Alex,
Wow, that was raw. My chest tightened reading Carrie’s struggles, but yes, I could see that positivity—a desire not to get stuck in pity-party mode. Carrie’s great at getting help from family, friends, and her own forward motion to keep from wallowing at a tough time. What a wonderful read.
Your premise—that happiness only exists when you’re aware of it—is one that I completely agree with. Lots of people are oddly in a position to be happy without knowing it, which means—they aren’t.
And my favorite corollary: It’s a lot easier to recognize “Happy” when it taps you on the shoulder and puts its gloved hand in yours, if you’ve walked arm-in-arm with Sad at times, too.
I don’t know who I’d be if I’d had a “happier” life, but I wouldn’t be as happy!
I wouldn’t know how to wring joy from every moment.
James,
Aren’t those are the moments a parent lives for! When the clouds part, and sunshine returns. Keeps me from pulling all my hair out, anyway.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post..Ambition vs. Stability: Which Would You Choose?
@James
Yay to a good ending to the day!
@Kelly
I’ve been thinking all day about what I wrote and wondering how the phrase “Ignorance is bliss” fits into this.
I think it comes down to not an ignorance of happiness but an ignorance of the world in general, but a full awareness of how happy the person’s life is not knowing what’s going on.
Not, of course, that I advocate this type of life because I wouldn’t be happy not knowing things (which in turn make me less happy, I know - it gets confusing).
See, I was going to come back and say yes, I agree, but I’m not sure what the heck you said, so I’m not sure if I agree! LOL!
Kelly´s last blog post..Ambition vs. Stability: Which Would You Choose?
I love the principle of contrast.
No matter how much your day sucks, it can always suck worse!
J.D. Meier´s last blog post..Lessons Learned from Peaceful Warrior
[...] as ‘dramatic’ as Joely, but the one thing that I seem to be stuck on is getting out of unhappy comfort and moving towards happy discomfort. Here I can see someone who has managed to make this break [...]
This exercise is a great way to appreciate the good things that go on during the day and put happiness in perspective. I call those my “gratitude” moments.
Karen Putz´s last blog post..I Survived a Drive-By Shooting
@Karen
Yes, others call this gratitude but everyone has their own lingo, eh? Just to make life interesting.
[...] Finally, I came upon the entry that really got me thinking: Do You Know How Happy You Are? [...]