Carrie’s been following my blog for a while and has her own blog about her dreams of moving back to Paris - the city where her soul has lived since she discovered it years ago. Recently Carrie decided to move away from the US and go teach English in South Korea as a stepping stone to fulfill her Someday dream of living full-time in Paris.
With the inaugral Lab-Rat series wrapping up, Carrie has volunteered her journey as part of the next Lab-Rat series. Starting this Thursday, follow along as I mentor Carrie through this highly volatile period in her life. This week, I’m also introducing a new set of Someday Interview questions - so for the next few weeks, expect a mix of old and new formats.
Who: Carrie of A Brilliant Life
Carrie is a constantly developing person, searching for truth and trying to create brilliance and beauty in her life.
Name one moment in your life when you threw a pity party for yourself and the reasons why you felt you weren’t able to achieve your goals. Were you feeling stuck? Had you felt you failed? What wasn’t working in your life?
The past 7 seven years have been hard for me because I have been working towards the goal of leaving the US again. There have been many pity parties during these years as I started to fundamentally question my ability to affect change in my life. I lived with self pity that would strike at any given moment, like reading blogs about people that were living out what I considered to be my dream. I used my own self pity as regular justification for not changing my life.
When I found out that the person I had been involved with for four years had betrayed me in a horrible way, I automatically launched into a feeling of victimization that I still struggled with from time to time. Not only had I been loyal and loving, but I had shelved my dreams!
Even our worst behaviors fulfill a need in us or express our desires. When you threw that pity party, what did you hope to gain? What need did you fulfill?
I can see now that the pity was about looking for external blame for the fact that I was, what I perceived as, stuck in a lifestyle that I did not want to live.
Tell us what you did to break up the pity part. What actions did you decide to take? Did someone help you buoy your spirits? Push you along?
Throughout the years I have always had to remind myself that I was working towards a goal and more importantly, I had to trust myself to change my life when I was ready. I found myself in a moment of openness and armed with the resources I needed to change my life. These resources for me were the valuable work experience and my university degree. I decided to stay true to my original vision and use the resources I had gained in the last seven years to guide me out of my current situation. I started exploring work opportunities in my field, outside of the US, and I allowed myself to be open to places that I had never dreamed of visiting, let alone packing up and moving to.
Can you look back on that moment and tell us how you felt when you did decide to take action? What results came about from your decision to take charge and move on?
I feel as though in that moment I decided to make a change in my life in spite of my fears. I have dealt with that by acknowledging the fear of change as it relates to my specific list of “reasons” for not making a move. Whenever a fearful thought arises I accept that it is there and allow myself to experience it but then move on from it. The way I currently feel and the way I felt when I decided to change my life is unstoppable. At this particular juncture in my life, if I don’t make a change it will be harder for me than to actually make the change.
Everyone has a Someday problem hiding deep inside, even little ones. What variety of the Someday Syndrome do you currently harbor? What would you like to achieve but haven’t yet?
My someday syndrome is currently characterised by the administrative aspects of following through with my decision to leave the US (i.e., getting my passport renewed and filing paperwork). Some people would call this procrastination but I know that it is directly linked to the fear that still exists inside of me. I would also like to say that just because I have made a decision to change my life does not mean that I feel cured of someday syndrome. I just feel that I am TRYING to better myself and trying in an honest way that I stopped trying a long time ago.
Examining your Someday Syndrome problem, what are you currently doing to resolve it and eliminate it from your life?
I am taking small steps and trying to make timelines for myself for accomplishing the things I need to do before I leave. I have to constantly remind myself that I want this move and try to give myself a realistic time line for accomplishing what I need to accomplish.
Many people suffer the same problems you do. You’re not alone, and neither are they. What would you tell people in your situation right now to help them avoid what you’re going through?
I would say that Someday Syndrome is a slippery slope. There are times in your life where change does not feel like a possibility but this concept is something that, if given the space to exist, can keep you immobile forever. Pursuing your dreams is about sometimes venturing into the uncomfortable, accepting the loss of the familiar and choosing to pursue your greater purpose and to do it fully in order to honor the value of the things you will have to sacrifice.
If you could ask for one thing, right now, to help you overcome your Someday Syndrome, what type of help would you ask for?
I would ask for a greater sense of organization and energy. I am experiencing a very exciting moment in my life by having made the decision to move to the other side of the world, all by myself. But in order to get there I need to be consistently organized and focused. Sometimes the weight of my decision weighs me down to a point of immobility. I sometimes need more energy to lift that weight off my shoulders.
4 Responses to “A Lab-Rat Looking for Paris: Carrie McK Interview”
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Carrie, thanks for sharing your experiences and feelings. It is great that you can open up like this. I’m sure that your self-awareness will help you to achieve your goals.
Juliet
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet´s last blog post..Are You Seeing Your Opportunity In The Economic Downturn?
@Juliet
Yes, Carrie’s self-awareness is a valuable skill in her personal development toolkit. I’m looking forward to seeing where we go together someday-wise.
Carrie, Thank you for taking time out and sharing something so personal. This has helped.
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[...] Someday Syndrome’s newest Lab-Rat, Carrie McK (read her introductory interview here), her big decision to move away from the life she’s known has created huge emotional [...]