Karen aka Deaf Mom is one of my favourite Twitter buddies. Her passion for everything shines through, as you can see in today’s interview where we discover how Karen overcame her fear of asking for help into a desire to help others.
Who: Karen Putz of Deaf Mom World
Karen is a deaf mom to three deaf and hard of hearing kids who has a passion for helping families with deaf and hard of hearing children. She also has a passion for videophones, as evidenced by her new job as a Sales Manager/Nationwide VCO Outreach for CSDVRS, a videophone company.
Name one moment in your life when you threw a pity party for yourself and the reasons why you felt you weren’t able to achieve your goals. Were you feeling stuck? Had you felt you failed? What wasn’t working in your life?
I was nineteen years old, and just a few weeks before I transferred to Northern Illinois University, I became profoundly deaf after a fall while waterskiing on my bare feet. After I fell, I figured I just had water in my ears and my hearing would come back.
The day that I left for college, I was standing at the front door, getting ready to head to college and I couldn’t make myself go through the door. The car was packed. My mom and sister were waiting for me. I started crying.
“You can change your mind and stay here,” my mom said. I knew that if I didn’t walk through that door, that I’d forever be afraid to try anything new.
When I first arrived at NIU and learned that I was placed on a floor with other deaf and hard of hearing people, I didn’t want any part of it. I wanted to be moved to a different floor. My mom convinced me to give it a try.
The real pity party came about a month or two into the semester. I was struggling in classes and feeling very frustrated at not being able to understand my professors. I tried using an FM system where the teachers spoke into a microphone that transferred directly to my hearing aid. It didn’t help.
I was crying myself to sleep every night, crying in the shower, yet telling no one about how I was feeling. One afternoon, I sat across from my roommate and let it all out. She looked at me with a strange look on her face– clearly she was uncomfortable with the tears streaming down my face. She moved out shortly after that and I had another roommate move in who was far more understanding.
Even our worst behaviors fulfill a need in us or express our desires. When you threw yourself that pity party, what did you hope to gain? What need did you fulfill?
That pity party was simply about me hitting rock bottom. I was definitely feeling sorry for myself. I wondered just what I was going to do with my life if I couldn’t handle college. I was also battling some horrible tinnitus, which is ringing sounds in the ear. It was worse at night, when I took my hearing aid off and the roaring/ clanging/droning sounds filled my head. It was probably one of the lowest times in my life. I was missing home, struggling in classes, grieving over hearing loss and not yet comfortable around the many deaf and hard of hearing students in my dorm.
Tell us what you did to break up the pity part. What actions did you decide to take? Did someone help you buoy your spirits? Push you along?
After my roommate moved out, I realized that I needed to get a grip on my life and make some changes. I marched myself to the student disabilities office, returned the FM system and decided that I would get interpreters for my classes. I signed up for a class in American Sign Language the following semester. The next time I had an invitation to go out with a group of deaf and hard of hearing students, I said yes. That night, I met the guy who would become my husband. I started making friends and my life began to open up. Then one day, I realized I was no longer crying, no longer mourning. Instead, I was celebrating this change, this new journey.
Can you look back on that moment and tell us how you felt when you did decide to take action? What results came about from your decision to take charge and move on?
I was scared to death to ask for interpreters, because it meant facing that I was indeed, deaf. It was hard for me to get comfortable with this new identity, this new journey into the Deaf Community. I had a breakthrough one day when I sat on the bus and signed in public without feeling uncomfortable or worried about who the heck was looking at me. That was a freeing day for me. That was me, showing the world that hey, yeah, I’m deaf, so what? I learned to pull my hair back and show my hearing aid and I no longer cared that people would stare.
I plunged into life from that point on. I ended up becoming an advocate, making changes on campus to improve services for deaf and hard of hearing students. I joined a volleyball team and traveled around the country playing in Deaf tournaments, even trying out for the Deaf Olympics. I taught waterskiing to deaf kids in a camp in Florida. By the time I graduated, I was substitute teaching in ASL classes and babysitting for the professors and interpreters.
When I look back, I’m so thankful that I chose to face my feelings and plunge myself into the experience of learning American Sign Language. I could have easily given up, quit college and gone back home. Today, my life is incredibly full and rich because of that journey.
Everyone has a Someday problem hiding deep inside, even little ones. What variety of the Someday Syndrome do you currently harbor? What would you like to achieve but haven’t yet?
I have the “I might need it someday” syndrome. I save too much stuff. As a result, I often spend too much time sifting through papers and looking for stuff that I need. My crawlspace is filled with boxes and boxes of stuff and I have NO idea what’s in half of those boxes.
Examining your Someday Syndrome problem, what are you currently doing to resolve it and eliminate it from your life?
Lately, I have been trying to tackle paperwork in short bursts each day. My goals is to organize all of it so I have it in a system that will work for the entire family. I have to tackle this problem in an effective way, because I soon will be going back to work full-time.
Many people suffer the same problems you do. You’re not alone, and neither are they. What would you tell people in your situation right now to help them avoid what you’re going through?
Ask for help when you need help. All too often, we keep things to ourselves and figure we can struggle through life alone. I’ve been asking people left and right about how they organize things in their home and now I have some new ideas of what I want to implement in my home and office.
If you could ask for one thing, right now, to help you overcome your Someday Syndrome, what type of help would you ask for?
Alex, can you fly to Chicago, stay with me for 21 days (they say it takes 21 days to change) and organize my life?
29 Responses to “Learning to Ask for Help: Karen Putz Interview”
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Karen,
You’re one of the most awesome people I’ve met online that I’ve actually met in person. And what I think would be super-duper awesome would be if Alex granted your wish and then scooted over to my part of town when he’s through with you.
P.S. Congrats again on the new job. Yay!!!
Karen, thank you for sharing your journey with such openness and honesty. Sometimes I think we need to go through the darkest of times to get to the brightest of places…
I’m sure the way you live your life now is inspiring to many (I know it is to me!). I think that sharing your experiences will have a powerful positive impact too.
Thank you.
Joanna Young´s last blog post..The Theme for January: Audacity
Karen, what an inspirational story about mind over matter. Thank you for sharing your truly amazing story.
Brad Shorr´s last blog post..Read Brad at Bob’s Today, Noon CST
Hi Alex and Karen - What a beautiful and inspiring interview. I love the part where Karen says, “Ask for help when you need help.”. Too often we think we’re weak if we ask for help. Like Karen, I’ve learned the same lesson and have found others love to be of assistance.
Barbara Swafford - Blogging Without A Blog´s last blog post..It’s A Time For Celebration
Thank you all for the wonderful comments above!
So, Alex, when are you coming to Chicago? Amy and I will take you to lunch– and pie!
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Jill Wood, Parent Extraordinaire
Karen,
Wow, I really felt for you reading about your darkest moment. The part that killed me was the uncomfortable roommate. I’ve had that happen, too—when I finally reached out, found out the support I thought would be there wasn’t. That is rough, but boy, did you turn it around! Thank you for sharing this story.
Alex,
Don’t forget to stop off in Philly on your way to Chicago… *giggles* They’re paying in pie, so I’ll up the ante. I can pay in truffles. The chocolate kind. Who wouldn’t cross an ocean for chocolate?
Thanks for always having in such neat people who I can’t wait to learn more about!
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post..Inspiration Points: One for my Baby and One More for the Road
Wow Karen - you are awesome! Thanks for showing us a sensitive side and I am sure you are looking forward to the amazing stuff 2009 has in store for you.
Andy Hayes´s last blog post..See Them Before They’re Gone
Karen is the koolest! Darned spellcheck and your squiggly red line, I KNOW it’s wrong, I’m being hip!
RhodesTer´s last blog post..It’s driving me CRAZY
Kelly,
Ironically, a few years later, I ended up being roommates with the sister of the gal who moved out.
And hey, truffles over pie? Now, Alex, you really wouldn’t want some stuffy ‘ol truffles, would you? How about I toss in some homemade turtle candy? And ice cream?
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Jill Wood, Parent Extraordinaire
You all just rock with these comments. I’m heading to bed with a smile on my face–thanks to you all.
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Jill Wood, Parent Extraordinaire
Aunt Karen - you’re my idol. xo
@Amy
Karen is awesome, but then again so are you - I’d love to come to Chicago and organize both of you. Pie (with ice cream and homemade turtle candy) is a great incentive. If the two of you can find me a corporate speaking gig in the Chicago area that’ll pay for my airfare, I’m totally there!
@Joanna
I agree with you about going through the dark times. Unfortunately there are a few who don’t make it through the dark times. Good thing that so many of us do though…
@Brad
Yes, it is all about attitude, isn’t it? It’s a matter of being able to twist from dark to light.
@Barbara
I’m really bad at asking for help too - I’ve gone through periods where I’ve bounced from feeling that I ask for help too much and don’t do enough for myself to feeling totally cut off from the rest of the world. Fortunately I’ve learned to moderate that.
@Kelly
When I was younger I was stereotypically British and would retreat from any strong emotions, which is funny because now it’s the strong emotions that I try to bring out in people through my Someday work (an example of what most scares us is where we need to go).
@Andy
That’s what I love about these interviews - people open right up and show everything. I feel very fortunate.
@RhodesTer
Karen is kompletely the koolest - despite what Firefox’s squiggly red lines say.
@Karen (again)
Yay to putting a smile on your face! Yupi!!!
@Jen
How awesome to have such a great role model in the family, eh?
Come on, Amy, let’s get cracking and find Alex a gig. Kelly, you can join us in Chicago too!
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Jill Wood, Parent Extraordinaire
Karen,
It’s a deal. I haven’t been there since I was ten, but Chicago hasn’t moved, so I think I can find it.
If I get a slice of pie?
Kelly´s last blog post..Building Your Business With a Map
Karen,
I identified with your story in so many ways. I wasn’t deaf at nineteen. My hearing loss had only begun at that point, but like you I didn’t want to face it. I spent too many years hiding in denial. I loved reading how you overcame your challenges at such a young age.
Great interview, Karen! I now feel closer to you because of your openness and honesty.
I’ve just started accepting offer of help rather trying to do it all myself. It is tough to do, but I think it’ll allow me to do more of what I do best.
Glenda Watson Hyatt´s last blog post..Combining Two Passions to Build an Accessible Blogosphere
Another great interview. I love her story of not being able to walk through the door. We put limits on ourselves when we are feeling down. The faster we can snap out of it and take action the quicker we can improve our situation.
After you are done helping Karen for 21 days…can you fly to Austin and help me out?
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now´s last blog post..How Does Google Create a Great Atmosphere?
@Kim
It’s amazing how many of us deny what’s obvious out of fear. Good for you for getting past it (even if it did take you a while). I’m sure it would have taken me just as long.
@Glenda
It is really hard to ask for help, isn’t it? And yet when we do, the number of people who jump forward with assistance is awe-inspiring.
@Karl
I’ve done the self-limiting thing for sure. As for organizing help, I know a couple of GREAT organizers in Austin if you’re interested…
[...] Learning to Ask for Help: Karen Putz Interview at Someday Syndrome [...]
Karen, what a treat to read this interview. I can’t wait to scoot over to Chicago and meet you, Amy and Brad and if you can convince Alex to come that would be an extra treat! You are one of the most upbeat and funniest people I know and this interview really reveals how you came to live life to the fullest. Thanks for inspiring me today.
Alex, as always thank you for being so passionate abut helping us all to break free of our demons and live life with gusto. You rock!
Karen Swim´s last blog post..7 Limiting Beliefs Fatal to New Business Owners
Truly an inspiring interview and post.
Something that really struck me is that we can only ask for help effectively when we’ve become more self-reliant and have a shift in attitude from a victim mentality to appreciating life with all its challenges, just like the shift that Karen made.
Thank you for the reminder.
Ruth´s last blog post.."Is Being Healthy a Vain Pursuit?"
Greetings from sunny Florida, where I’m getting training for my new job. Just think, if I hadn’t walked through that door, I wouldn’t be working for CSDVRS today.
@Andy
If you really want to see the sensitive side, just wait until two rum and cokes settle in.
@Rhodester You, my man, are definitely kool too.
@Jen You’ve always made me proud, girl.
@Kim– it sure can be a tough thing to face, eh? Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt– it’s a protective thing. It becomes a bad thing if you live permanently in the state of denial.
@Glenda
I read a great book recently but I can’t remember the title. It was about asking for help in the areas that we can’t master so that we can grow even more in the areas that we’re talented in. Made me think!
@Karl I often wonder what my life would have been like had I not walked out the door.
@Karen I cannot wait to meet you, girl! You are one of the most resilient persons I’ve seen online.
@Ruth, that’s a great point. I have a friend who often pulls the “victim” card and all attempts to offer solutions are met with reasons why they can’t be used. She’ll need to move beyond the victim perspective to empower herself.
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Breathe In… Breathe Out
Karen,
It’s kind of hard to spot sometimes, but I think that some people ask for help because they are stuck and genuinely want to get “unstuck”, but that others, like your friend, are in more of the “misery loves company” camp and would be lost if they didn’t have something to complain about.
But you obviously wanted to create a meaningful shift in the way you experience life, and you have. You’re truly an inspiration.
Ruth´s last blog post..Eulogy for Banjo
Wow, I would not have ever imagined that a blogger from the Deaf community would ever be exposed in a non-Deaf community until I saw this blog tonight.
As an hard of hearing person who works in a Deaf community setting and volunteer for a hard of hearing community where most of the people are late-deafened like Karen, I can definitely appreciate the hardships that Karen endured during the first little while at college.
When I read that she was placed in a wing with other D/HH people, I thought “COOL!” and wished that I had that experience myself. However, I don’t know of a city in Canada that would have that many people going to one university/college as first year students being Deaf or Hard of Hearing. It amazes me to know these kinds of opportunities are possible in the world! I on the other hand attended a university of about 15,000 where I felt I was the only person is D/HH until my final year of my undergraduate studies when I saw two people with hearing aids, but I didn’t have the guts to talk with either of them.
However, it was during university that I learned about ICQ, which was soon replaced with MSN by mere popularity. It was through this medium that helped me develop friendships with other hearing people as I didn’t have to listen during our conversations.
Anyways, ever since I enrolled in an education of the D/HH program, I’ve met more D/HH people than I ever have in any other times in my life. Karen and my experiences reminds me of a particular quote that I was reminded of earlier tonight that goes something like that “no man is an island” and how we depend on others to work through life and enjoy it.
Ruth,
It’s easy to figure out which requests for help are genuine– most likely there will be action that follows up the request. The victim will continue to request the help over and over.
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Breathe In… Breathe Out
Jonathan,
Ah, I love the internet and how easy it is to connect with one another, whether hard of hearing, deaf or hearing. That’s why I like Twitter so much, it’s like a virtual watercooler for me.
I’m not sure what the colleges and universities are like in Canada, but surely some of them have cluster programs with a number of a deaf/hard of hearing people together? I met a gal from Canada two days ago and she left Canada to attend school at RIT in New York, which has over a thousand deaf/hard of hearing students.
I’m raising three deaf and hard of hearing kids and I can see that they have so many more opportunities to connect in ways that I didn’t have when I was growing up. It’s amazing!
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Breathe In… Breathe Out
Karen and Jonathan,
I can tell you from living and working in Rochester that not only is RIT a wonderful school for deaf and hard of hearing folks, but the community is incredibly inclusive all around the city, also.
Emigration for school’s sake might be a pretty big step, but I can understand why a person would do it after living there for a couple of years.
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly´s last blog post..Tip of the Week: First Things First
Hi Karen, I came across a few websites that featured you while googling about the Z340. I enjoyed your interview and writing. I’m definitely looking forward to meeting you, not just about the Zphone but want to meet this wonderful lady that I’ve been hearing about from my deaf friends here!
Jessica
@Jessica
Glad you enjoyed the interview - and lucky you - you get to meet Karen!