Wednesday you got an Alex Update, so today you get a rant.
Last night was the finale of the latest season of Big Brother here in Spain. And as expected the most horrid choice of all 18 contestants won. Why? Because he talked, lots, and people paid attention to his words and not his actions.
Which makes me wonder. Why bother walking your talk if all you need to do is talk (incessantly) to achieve success?
Look at politicians. While they’re in power they do horrible things, then during elections they talk about all the great things they’re going to do and how awful the alternatives are. And then when they get back in power (or the other team who used words more effectively gets in), they go back to doing what they feel like and ignoring what they talked about.
So, why then should I bother walking my talk? Why don’t I just spout lectures at you and not try to teach you how to get rid of Someday Syndrome by showing you my own work on the journey? It would be a whole lot easier. I could do whatever I felt like and many people would eat up my words.
Those of you who pay attention would see right through me and call me on it. But then I’d respond with righteous indignation and play the victim card until everyone else was on my side calling you a big fat meanie for not supporting me.
It seems to work for lots of people. The Pitt/Jolie family support environmental causes but then take private planes everywhere (for their personal safety). Coca-Cola calls a sugar-filled drink healthy because they’ve added a few vitamins (although they are getting sued for it). And several years ago the (fortunately now former) President of the United States got the support to start a war that won’t end by saying over and over again what everyone knew to be false.
Of course I couldn’t live with myself if I said one thing and did the other, but sometimes I wonder why bother. It seems that the world prefers to listen to lies than the truth as long as the lies are repeated often enough.
20 Responses to “Why bother with authenticity?”
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I suppose it all comes down to how it makes us feel in the experiences we have in our lives as that’s all we’re going to take away with us, if indeed there is anywhere to take them to…
Nicola Quinn´s last blog post..Self Healing With a Little Self Love
Why bother? Because the world that really counts isn’t that stupid, childish world out there but the aligned, beautiful one within that big heart of yours.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog post..Time and Money
I often ask the same thing and it frustrates the heck out of me. At the end of the day I couldn’t live comfortably with myself if I did.
Stacey Shipman´s last blog post..If Ignorance is Bliss, What is Awareness?
Tom says it better than I could have.
It’s the same reason I look at that little sign I put on my mirror each day, that asks the question:
“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”
Well, with respect to my day job, the answer is often “no”. So I keep walking the walk to change it.
I think it is linked to accountability. I am accountable to myself, and to my family.
(Also to my job, so I do have to do that.)
I can also make myself accountable to my friends who read my blog.
Politicians, celebrities - I guess they do this kind of thing because there’s no accountability?
Or is there?
If we stop watching the movies of the celebrities whose actions displease us, maybe they could change if they knew why?
Politicians - there are mechanisms we as ordinary people can use to change things. Sadly, the majority of people just don’t care enough a lot of the time…
Brett Legree´s last blog post..viking mondays? courage.
Why be authentic? A few reasons come to mind:
1) So I can sleep at night.
2) I’m really bad at keeping track of what lie I told to whom.
3) I’ll gotten success never seems to last.
4) History will judge us all - including W.
What have I missed?
I think all the other commenters before me already hit the nail on the head. For me the most important point is: I want to be able to look in the mirror without having to get red in the face.
I am going to play devil’s advocate here. The Pitt-Jolies for example. Only going on reports, but if they truly walk the walk and create positive change in the world, and let’s assume they do AND if their safety is truly at risk, isn’t taking a private plane justified? I would protect my family ahead of saving some carbons.
I also think a lot of liars truly believe their lies. And, therefore, think they are doing good. As well as the self-proclaimed gurus. They don’t see that they aren’t walking their own walk.
Therefore, it is up to each of us to decide what WE are comfortable when we choose to follow someone. Can you accept the use of private jets, if it means awareness is raised for social issues? I try not to judge other people’s actions, and make decisions based on who is the right person for me to follow or admire.
Urban Panther´s last blog post..Dancing
Like the rest of you - I walk my talk so I can live happily with myself.
Hi Tom,
If only the inner and outer worlds were that easily separated! The challenge is to manifest and create the beauty and justice. Same point to Urban Panther, your family and carbon are not separable.
Evan´s last blog post..I’m Getting Married
Because everything you do and everything you write makes a difference. And we have the freedom to choose the difference we want to make.
Joanna Young´s last blog post..Posting Schedule at Confident Writing
There does seem to be an abundance of misalignment between values and actions in the world these days. We’re all probably guilty to a lesser or greater extent of not choosing to be authentic on any given day. Some days are probably harder than others. Maybe sometimes the pendulum has to swing far one way before we collectively shake our heads and say we want more integrity in the world. Perhaps that’s part of the wave of optimism behind Barack Obama. People have looked around and said enough is enough - let’s do something different. The trick then is for each of us to look not just at others and require more of them but also inside at ourselves and ask who IS my authentic self and how can I let it shine, even when its hard
Lots of wise words in the comments.
All I have to add is: Alex, take heart! This too shall pass, I promise.
And also, the truth is never popular, because it makes us uncomfortable (at first), and we don’t like that! (Some of us push through it anyhow.) When I remind myself of this, the injustice of greedy people who dupe others, yet seem to prosper, bothers me much less.
Ruth´s last blog post..Momentness
Why bother being authentic? Because in the end, even if we let ourselves fall for it, unauthenticity (is that a word?) is easy to spot. There is no honour in it.
steph´s last blog post..Free Your Mind: A Whole New Meaning
It comes down to what you think of yourself and how you define success. If you define success by results and how others perceive you, you can have success without being authentic. To me there’s no success without honesty.
Broderick Allen´s last blog post..Life is Short?
“I could do whatever I felt like and many people would eat up my words.”
Heh heh. You sure COULD.
But I don’t think you do. I trust you.
But NOT that aren’t other snake-oil salesmen out there.
I think we need to watch out for them, and to not forget to take some blogs with the occasional grain of salt.
@Nicola
I like how you phrase that. We really only exist in our perceptions and if we can’t live with choices, then life’s pretty miserable.
@Tom
That’s right - my heart’s so big, sometimes I wonder how it fits inside my chest!
@Stacey
It’s a sense of fair play that causes that frustration, isn’t it? We’re taught that if we don’t cheat and play well, we’ll win and we get pissed of when that doesn’t happen, eh?
@Brett
Good for you for having those messages reminding you. I don’t use messages - that’s what I have friends like you for. I pay more attention to people than to pieces of paper.
@Maria
#2 is so true - once I slide away from being authentic I get all super messy and everyone can tell that I’ve lost integrity. Funnily enough when I was teen I could lie to anyone with a totally straight face. Now, it’s next to impossible.
@Ulla
Yes, although I’m sure those I bitched about believe that they too can look themselves in the mirror and not flinch (how I’m not quite sure sometimes, but that’s not for me judge I guess)
@UP
It’s so obvious we were raised to see all sides, eh? As I wrote the post I thought all the things you said, but was sure you’d come in and say them for me.
@Tom
Finding that inner/outer alignment is the real challenge isn’t it? For example, I’m now writing for an eco-site but am nowhere near as green as I could be (although writing for the site is a good incentive to get off my butt and do something about my eco-lazy lifestyle).
@Joanna
And our words and actions sculpt that effect we have on the world, exactly.
@Laurel
Exactly. I’m sure I do things that others could easily point fingers and say “here, here and here, you’re not walking your talk” - it requires constant awareness, no?
@Ruth
Yes, there’s a big difference between popular and true, isn’t there?
@Steph
I think it’s inauthenticity, but Firefox’s spellcheck doesn’t like it either so we probably would have to go with a lack of authenticity.
@Broderick
It’s all abut the metrics, isn’t it? If popularity were all anyone cared about, we’d all try to be Paris Hilton.
@Friar
Ooh, now that I’ve tricked you into believing me, what can I try to sell you… How about a bridge in New York? Real cheap.
But if you aren’t authentic, how can you ever remember who or what you were to the last 100 people you encountered? Too much work, highly impractical. I’m with the “have to be able to look in the mirror crowd”.
Carolyn Caldwell´s last blog post..Client Questions - Am I Alone?
Carolyn has a point….too much deception can be exhausting. I have been working to break a habit of telling tiny, insignificant lies that I had no need to tell. I don’t even know why I do it, but I try to see it as a positive side of my nature (creative writing) expressing itself in a non-positive way.
Anyway, I sometimes think about what it would be like to spout the sort of nonsense that people apparently eat up, to preach things I don’t believe because I know they’d sell. But I like being able to feel good about myself, feel like I might be doing some good in the world. Because money isn’t a satisfying reward and fame is only satisfying if you’re not worried about the bedrock of lies it’s built on. I worried enough about the dumb lies, I’m sure anything more would eat me up.
Ruth´s last blog post..What Are You Valuing More Than Your Goal?
@Carolyn
Yes, that’s how we can tell the inauthentic people because what they say isn’t consistent (unfortunately most of them don’t notice the inconsistencies).
@Ruth
I used to do those too - all in the name of avoiding confrontation, but of course they would just cause bigger and more confrontations later when I’d forget what I’d said to whom…
I have days where this is absolutely how I feel. What’s the point of working hard and getting things done quietly and effectively if other folks are going to work less, make noise and get all the credit?
Still, I have an unshakable belief that doing the right thing–the thing that’s authentic for me–will be rewarded. If not in accolades or material wealth, in peace of mind and satisfaction.
Sara at On Simplicity´s last blog post..My Dirty Blogging Secret
@Sara
Don’t you wish some days that you had a slightly less ethical mind?