The 25 Rants of Alex Fayle: a twisted meme
By Alex Fayle
After seeing the 25 things you don’t know about me meme floating around the blogosphere, I decided to come up with my own version—twenty-five rants! Let’s see if I can actually get all the way to twenty-five or whether I run out before I get there…
- I hate having to work for things—what’s wrong with instant success?
- Why do the same words have to mean such different things for each person? The people who built the Tower of Babel have a lot to answer for.
- It really irritates me that it’s so much easier to gain weight than lose it.
- Why do I have to be one of those middle-aged men with ear-hair? By the time I’m 80, I’ll be deaf from all the hair filling up my ear canal.
- I used to be able to do 30 chin-ups no problem. Why does 3 years of doing nothing with my arms mean I can barely pull myself up once?
- Teleporters should exist.
- I write for an eco-blog and yet I’m not very green at times—and I get filled with eco-guilt. Why do I have to have a conscience?
- I hate have to play catchup after waiting around to figure out what system would work best for something new in my life (ie, teaching English classes where I develop the syllabus). Two whole days gone to scanning and organizing!
- To follow along with numbers 3, 5 and 7, why is it always easier to be lazy than to eat right/exercise well/live healthy?
- Truth be told, I hate working. I’d much rather spend my days puttering. Why doesn’t someone recognize my genius and pay me to putter and write awesome stuff?
- Coming from a home under constant renovation, I always felt that I should be more interested in home improvements than I am. But there are far too many details. Let me design and someone else can be practical. (BTW, the designing usually happens at 3am when I can’t sleep. I redesign other people’s homes too.)
- Seriously, why is there no big research money going into teleporter development?
- Why do I have to be such a frickin’ optimistic person? Here I am only halfway through and I’m having trouble coming up with more things to rant about!
- I love cooking and I don’t mind dishes, but dirty stoves and grease residue? No thank you! Someone else can deal with that crap.
- I spend most of my day in English and then stumble through evenings and weekends in Spanish. Sometimes I feel like I’m in neither one place nor the other.
- My mother sent me a 1kg jar of peanut butter for Xmas (it arrived just last week) and I’m already halfway through it. I’m such an extremist, all-or-nothing kind of guy. In everything! It’s exhausting at times (but usually actually kind of fun).
- To get what I want there a whole bunch of things that I don’t really feel like doing. Why is there no short-cut to success?
- All too often my clothing, food and home décor tastes lie way beyond my budget, and yet I don’t care enough to make the effort to change it.
- Details either bore me to tears or absorb me so thoroughly I forget the world exists—usually the latter only when I’m avoiding something else
- The worse thing about living in a non-English city? The lack of books to read. Sure I could buy them from Amazon but I already have run out of space. I just want a library with a good selection of new releases.
- My computer is three years old. I want a new one but know it’s not a priority purchase—the impatient side of me, however, says that the lost productivity in waiting for Firefox and Google to decide to do anything would more than make up for the cost. So far that voice hasn’t won the debate yet. Can’t decide whether I’m pleased or irritated.
- Why did ABC cancel my favourite show, Pushing Daisies? It was the highlight of my week and now that’s been stolen away from me. At least they rescued Scrubs for me.
- Yesterday I swept the bedroom and herded up enough dust bunnies into a single ball to name it and keep it as a pet. Today the exact same thing. Where does all this hair come from in a house without pets?
- Did I mention that teleports should exist?
- This eventually got way to easy. Good thing I’m stopping now or I’ll put myself in a hugely bad mood.
Normally with these meme things, I’m supposed to tag people, but I’m now feeling to cranky to. Do whatever the *&^#$ you feel like with this. But if you do rant, tell me about it. It’s fun watching other bitch and complain.
Comments
This was very entertaining! Especially the stuff about teleports. You’re right about them.
Joely Black (@TheCharmQuark on Twitter)´s last blog post..A post about everything I ever knew about goals and goal-setting
Patient, organized, anti-procrastinating Alex is RANTING?
Oh, nooo. Say it ain’t so!
Now I don’t believe in NOTHIN’ anymore!
Friar´s last blog post..Another Canadian Moment
Brilliant - this really made me smile, thanks
Are you happy now that you’ve had your tantrum, Mr. Fayle?
=)
As Joanna will attest, ranting is a lifestyle choice here in Britian. Part of the cultural fabric.
Personally loved Nbr. 15. Spent years in Amsterdam doing just that. (en Nederlands, niet Spaans…)
=)
Andy Hayes´s last blog post..Touring Rioja with a Wine Amateur
I mentionned this on Kelly’s blog before, I think.
I’d like to see teleporters inside the human body, as some kind of biomedical attachment in our digestive tract and excretion system.
Imagine transporting all your poo and pee outside your body, far far away. To some kind of dump site. (Jersey, maybe?)
Imagine never having to get up in the middle of the night to take a leak. Never have to worry about “Potty Emergencies” again.
I think that would be AWESOME!
Friar´s last blog post..Another Canadian Moment
@Joely
I both enjoyed and didn’t enjoy writing it. I’m not normally a complaining type and it made me cranky. No wonder complainers are such downers to be around all the time.
@Friar
I’m sorry. Yes, I’m human…
@Joanna
Glad to hear that my kvetching was diverting.
@Andy
At first I wasn’t happy having bitched so much, but reading it over it made me realize how totally minor any difficulties I have are. For that it was a good exercise - I have a damn good life!
@Friar
The way your brain works kind of scares me…
Okay first many thanks for the chuckle - Mercury in retrograde has been creating havoc in my life and a laugh was definitely needed.
Here’s a few of mine…
Why can’t Mercury just get its act together and fly right?
Ditto to your rant about the teleporter - why is there not major R&D in this area?
Women’s equivalent to the ear hair is the highly unpredictable chin hair - how can one hair grow so long so fast and feel like wire?
And how is it possible that 2 socks go into the dryer but only 1 comes out? Is there some alternate universe of one footed beings?
Thanks Alex
Alex, I am so with you on the teleporter idea! My in-laws live across the country, and my husband doesn’t fly. This leads to LONG road trips or expensive train trips. Can’t someone get moving on that invention?
Oh, and I love Scrubs too!
How is it that Friar can relate any blog post to poop? There could be a post on How to Make an Elliptical Gear Clock, and somehow Friar would bring it all back to excretion.
Rebecca Smith´s last blog post..The scoundrels’ dictionary revisited
#21 Is that why you “accidentally” damaged it recently?
Janet Barclay´s last blog post..The Benefits of Blogging
@Rebecca
You could ferment poop to make methanol, which could power a fuel cell to run the clock!
Friar´s last blog post..4 Minutes and 22 Seconds of Down-Time.
@Laurel
Your socks unravel and end up on my floor as dust bunnies. It has to do with quantum physics, I think.
@Rebecca
And don’t ask me to explain how the mind of Friar works. It’s a scary place…
Good thing you don’t live across the ocean, or you’d be in for long cruises to visit family.
@Janet
But this morning I just discovered the iRex iLiad and I want one of those more than I want a new computer.
My subconscious is refusing to answer that one.
@Friar
No comment…
@Friar: And there you go! (it’s quite a talent, really …)
@Alex: Good point! Luckily cars and trains are options for us.
Rebecca Smith´s last blog post..Where have all the typewriters gone?
They ARE working on teleportation
http://www.research.ibm.com/quantuminfo/teleportation/
and
http://www.photonicsonline.com/article.mvc/Long-Distance-Teleportation-Between-Two-Atoms-0001
Tony Lawrence´s last blog post..Don’t ever change, baby
I read about that - how cool. It looks like Ursula LeGuin’s Ansible might actually become a reality.