In this month’s guest post from Joely Black of In These Heels? she looks at decisions and their consequences which are not always foreseeable, they can be highly rewarding.
Decisions. Those are the things that change our lives. Some of them are small, and some of them are large. Everybody has different ways of going about making decisions, and my practice has always been to search my heart first and last. It’s not an approach that everybody uses, but it works for me.
One of the things that’s come home to me in the last couple of weeks is that you can never know the most powerful consequences of those decisions; we have incredibly limited knowledge of what’s going to happen in the future and everything depends, for the most part, on the stories our minds spin about what could or couldn’t happen.
For example, at the beginning of 2008, after a publishing deal had fallen through, I was once again faced with the choice of self-publication. For some reason, it’s never seemed right to me, even though I must have had at least a hundred people tell me it’s the best thing I should do. Instead, I decided that I would start issuing the first book, chapter by chapter, as a podcast.
A lot of people ask me why and all I can really do is say that it felt right at the time. I have technical reasons as well, but the most important thing was that I felt that it was the right thing for me to do.
A couple of weeks ago, I had an email from a man who listens to the podcast every week. He also works with various charities, including one that supports children who have been blinded. They are having to face incredibly tough changes in their lives, losing their ability to read and write overnight in many cases. Their friendships are transformed and sometimes lost, their parents struggle to cope, especially with teens who never expected this to happen to them.
It turns out that these children and teenagers love Amnar: The Awakening. The story is about a girl who is faced with an unwelcome and dramatic physical transformation that makes her unwelcome in her home. Io’s story is helping these children cope with what they’re going through. Despite reservations because Amnar is very dark and intense, even their parents are addicted.
The children get mentioned in the podcast, and have an opportunity to ask me questions about the world. This unexpected consequence made me realise that I was starting to achieve the goal I had first set out to achieve: to reach others with the world and have it lighten and enrich their lives as it has my own.
I would never have guessed that my decision would have a consequence like this. Had I put it out as an ebook, or self-published, these children would never have been able to experience Amnar and benefit from it. Despite the fact that I haven’t made money out of Amnar yet, I feel that this has vindicated my decision. After all, I wrote the books to give pleasure and help to people first and foremost.
The key to decisions is to make them from your heart, to understand that you can never know what the future may hold, but accept what consequences follow. Often people will offer you advice on making decisions, but they can only do so from their own perspective; they can never know what is best for you, because they aren’t you. Although I’ve often had to face criticism for the decisions I’ve made, I stand by them every time. I may not be right, but I’m happy; and that’s far more important.
7 Responses to “Standing by Your Decisions”
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I think it has more to do with actually doing something. It’s almost like it doesn’t matter what you decide. Just do it. Stuff will happen.
Chris Ritke´s last blog post..Mind as well. Huh???
@Chris
Great way of putting it. I’m a huge fan of action myself.
The keyword for me is “Often people will offer you advice on making decisions, but they can only do so from their own perspective; they can never know what is best for you, because they aren’t you.”
As a person who has a huge reliance in external validation, at the end of the day the buck stops with you.
I’m so glad you had the guts to take a decision and stick by it long enough to see the result.
Andy Hayes´s last blog post..Swiss Bliss in Interlaken
@Andy
I’ve also always been big on external validation and too many times I’ve ended up making little decisions to please someone but not pleased myself - funnily enough, usually it’s with clothing choices. I buy or wear something because someone else thinks it looks good on me but I don’t really like it.
I love this story.
You know that saying that says
“Those who can … do. Those who can’t … teach.” ?
They could even add “Those who can’t do OR teach … critique.”
I can relate to the external validation point too. But if you’ve actually determined your decision, it’s more likely you’ll stand by it. And as a word of encouragement to those who are younger than I am, one of the coolest things I’ve found about getting older is that it’s easier to take action and follow through on your intentions without that need for external validation. So, you get THAT to look forward to. Which is very cool.
Denise Fisher´s last blog post..No Wire Hangers
@Denise
I agree completely - it’s much easier to make decisions now that I’m older and mainly because I care a whole lot less about the external validation than I used to.
Thanks Denise - I look forward to completely banishing external validatino from my life. Someday… soon