The Cycle of Anxiety: the Zoë Westhof Interview
By Alex Fayle

Without the Internet I would be a lonely isolated writer. But thanks to the Internet, I have connections to writers around the world. I especially love reading about writers who approach writing from a completely different angle than I do. Zoë Westhof is one of those writers and every blog post she puts up teaches me something different about my own writing and writing process. In this week’s interview she discusses how she extracted herself from an anxiety cycle.

Who: Zoë Westhof of Essential Prose
Zoë lives in Thailand, where she spends her days expanding perspectives — including her own — through travel and writing, constantly exploring creativity, communication, and how people interact in different contexts.

Name one moment in your life when you threw a pity party for yourself and the reasons why you felt you weren’t able to achieve your goals. Were you feeling stuck? Had you felt you failed? What wasn’t working in your life?
I usually find some sort of value in whatever situation I’m in, so pity parties feel like a waste of energy — but nobody can be positive and confident all the time. Last year I hit a place where I just wasn’t feeling my normal energy, and because it was so unusual for me, I didn’t know how to deal with it. Not knowing how to deal with it made me think there was something wrong with me, and I ended up creating this self-perpetuating ball of anxiety. The areas of my life that usually drive and fulfill me suddenly seemed wrong, and I questioned all my decisions.

Even our lowest moments fulfill a need in us or express our desires. When you threw yourself that pity party, what did you hope to gain? What need did you fulfill?
I think I needed a reminder that it’s actually OK to be off sometimes. It’s much healthier to let yourself feel crappy for a little while than to think, “Something must be seriously wrong with me.”

Tell us what you did to break up the pity party. What actions did you decide to take? Did someone help you buoy your spirits? Push you along?
The first lift came quite comically. I went swimming to relax, but wore my goggles too tight. When I went upstairs, I looked in the mirror and saw a flurry of broken blood vessels around my eyes. A mini-freakout ensued, because on top of the self-perpetuating ball of anxiety, blotchy patches around my eyes were the last thing I needed. I sat down at my desk and Havi Brooks’ blog happened to be open on my laptop. Although I listen to most talk about “finding yourself” with hefty doses of suspicion and sarcasm, I decided to give Havi’s little recorded meditation a listen. Incredibly, my mind flipped within 10 minutes. I realized that most of the time, our “stuff” is purely based on how we react, not the situation at hand. After long chats with my boyfriend and my mom later that day, I was feeling back in my element.

Can you look back on that moment and tell us how you felt when you did decide to take action? What results came about from your decision to take charge and move on?
It was actually pretty abrupt relief. It was empowering to realize that all this anxiety was simply a reaction — something we can control — rather than a fact of my being and situation. Once I was reminded of this, it was a matter of being deliberate in my reactions whenever I felt myself slipping.

Everyone has a Someday problem hiding deep inside, even little ones. What variety of the Someday Syndrome do you currently harbor? What would you like to achieve but haven’t yet?
I’m working on some exciting projects right now, but I’d say there’s a little bit of “I’ll Get Around to it Someday” lurking inside. While living in Thailand, I’ve spent ample time listening and learning about social issues and conflicts in the region, but my direct involvement with these groups is more limited than I’d like it to be. I think I’m worried that I won’t be able to maintain the balance between the writing projects I’m working on and the time spent working within these issues.

Examining your Someday Syndrome problem, what are you currently doing to resolve it and eliminate it from your life?
I’m pushing myself to action by telling my friends who work in those areas that I want to be more involved. Once you ask someone to connect you with new possibilities, it feels pretty rude to push them away. Reaching out to my friends is a step toward breaking that underlying Someday cycle.

Many people suffer the same problems you do. You’re not alone, and neither are they. What would you tell people in your situation right now to help them avoid what you’re going through?
It’s crucial to realize how much power you have to transform the place you’re in. Most people get to a wonderful place by making the absolute most of what they have, so it’s more a matter of shifting your attitudes and reactions rather than only fighting external circumstances. Another useful thing to remember is that discomfort can be a good thing — though it’s tough at the time, it often reflects growth and allows you to evolve and learn more about what you want.

If you could ask for one thing, right now, to help you overcome your Someday Syndrome, what type of help would you ask for?
I’d ask for someone to sit down and brainstorm some next steps with me. I like telling people my plans and asking them to hold me accountable, because I have a really hard time disappointing.

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