Last week in my daily tour of blogs I came across a post by Jonathan Mead over at Illuminated Mind and recognized myself immediately in what he wrote.
In the post How to Not Be Anti-You, Jonathan talks about the negative patterns of behavior many of us have of reaching a certain level of success then destroying it.
This destruction happens when whatever we’re working on moves from new and exciting to routine and work. The enthusiasm fades and we start scaling back on the effort we put into the project. From there we enter a cycle of bullying and rebellion that effectively kills all interest in the project and all too often kills the project itself just as it’s about to take off.
Does this describe you? It does me for sure. Even with things I love doing, the moment I use the words should or must, my inner teenager rises up and says “make me!”
But have you ever tried NOT to use the words should or must? We can’t keep our enthusiasm at self-motivating levels all the time – that would just be too exhausting. And with long projects (like for me writing a novel or building the business) there are ups and downs, and things that I love doing and things that need to get done but don’t thrill me.
And even though I see steady progress on almost all of my projects, I often frustrate myself with the struggles I go through to continue working on things that I love doing.
Fortunately Jonathan has come up with a simple way to avoid this struggle and the inner teenage rebellion. All it takes is two simple questions:
1. What would happen if I did the task that I’m struggling with?
2. What would happen if I didn’t do it?
That’s it. Simple but hugely powerful. Let’s take my novel for example. Often after a long day of working on the business, I resist my fiction writing. (Of course I could put the fiction writing first, but at this time, it’s not producing income, so must take a lower position on the priority scale.)
1. If I write, I’m filled with pride, I get excited about moving towards my Someday dream of having a novel published and I amaze myself at my own creativity.
2. If I don’t write, nothing will happen. Literally. The world won’t end. No one expects me to write. It’s not an essay I have to get in on a deadline or I’ll fail at life. It’s only my choice. But if I don’t write, I won’t feel any of the awesome sensations in the first answer.
In asking myself the two questions about my fiction writing, I recreate enthusiasm and take a lot of pressure off. And then I sit down and write, even just a little, but even a few hundred words a day will create a finished novel.
If I weren’t already a big fan of Jonathan, this post alone would convert me.
Speaking of being a raving fan – Jonathan has a great ebook for sale called Reclaim Your Dreams. It’s aimed at people who work in jobs they hate or at least move through on autopilot without any interest or (god forbid!) passion.
Any time I see a fellow blogger helping people get rid of their Somedays I get excited. And this ebook is worth getting excited about. In it Jonathan will help you define your dreams, overcome uncertainty, and wake up happy each day.
And yes, these are the exact same things that Someday Syndrome services offer (especially the soon to debut Someday My Ship Will Come In ebook), but while Someday Syndrome stuff deals with all Somedays, Jonathan’s ebook focuses specifically on getting out of cubicle hell – changing up the work environment that’s dragging you down and making getting up in the morning the worst part of the day.
There are a million different paths to a life without Somedays and it’s part of my job to tell you about them – so go visit Illuminated Mind today and reclaim your dreams before it’s too late.
P.S. Jonathan also regularly contributes to Zen Habits. Go check him out.
P.P.S. Yes, I’m an affiliate of Jonathan’s book so if you buy a copy of it, you’ll be helping to support this blog and the Someday-Busting work I do.
11 Responses to “Stop Self-Destructing Your Dreams”
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I wouldn’t exactly say that I reach a point where I find the work that I do has grown stagnant or turned into a routine. But there are some days where I’m feeling the need to get motivated and give me that extra burst/push to be more productive. Usually what does it for me is to step outside of the office for some fresh air or often times, picking up a book and reading does it for me. Mostly personal development books, leadership books, etc.
I ask myself a variation of the following when it comes to certain tasks: (and I quote you above)
“1. What would happen if I did the task that I’m struggling with?
2. What would happen if I didn’t do it?”
I’ve quickly learned that as much as I’d like to put some things off or stall, I’ll feel 10x’s better if I get what needs to get done, now.
Yes, I can definately see myself in that!
Oooh, Cartesian Logic questions! I love those! I use the full four questions rather than just those two.
What WILL happen if I DO xyz
What WILL happen if I DON’T do xyz
What WON’T happen if I DO xyz
What WON’T happen if I DON’T do xyz.
Some answers can fall into more than one category. There is a difference in the questions, although they look similar.
Very NLP questions those, love them!
It’s not routine that stops me really going for my dreams at all. The tasks, the getting on with it aren’t the issue - it never has a sense of being work or routine. I think people sabotage their dreams for other reasons to do with feeling worthy and the desire to fit in with the crowd.
I’m on board as well - I get bored very easily and have a terribly short attention span. What was that you were saying?
I think being a Someday Syndrome Disciple they key is being aware of it, acknowledging it, then bloody doing something about it.
For me, a step closer to my dream has created terror, and that has confused me greatly. Another kind of self-sabotage?
The questions you discuss here are a good tactic - but I’m not sure if they would work for me when I am in full denial mode. I need to think about this more - I just wanted to say “Thanks for making me think about this!”
Emma Newman´s last blog post..Hitching up my skirts but trying not to run away
I liked Jonathan’s questions also. They being in the bigger picture of why we do what we do and not just focus on the immediate tasks, whether we enjoy doing them or not.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success´s last blog post..The Strength of Kindness
I definitely do some dream-destructing things and I’m definitely going to check out this e-book. Thanks for posting this — very good stuff here.
Positively Present´s last blog post..when life gives you lemons…
Alex, yummy stuff here! Great thinking points and the best ones are always so simple aren’t they? It is that reminder to ourselves that we choose not must or should but choose to do or not to do. We no longer rebel against force but embrace and celebrate the right to choose. Love it!
Karen Swim´s last blog post..Down the Rabbit Hole and into the Archives
Alex,
I moved my writing to another time later in the day so I could work on the business stuff…I lost interest in everything.
I think I am more creative in the early morning, so I moved my writing back to after walking in the morning and wow now other things are falling into place again and getting accomplished and I don’t feel so dull.
Life seems to be the saboteur of my success…my child can’t breath, chicken pox strike, my mum fractures her back….I could choose not to respond but rather I end up quitting my job and changing focus.
I have some space in my life now…and though very slowly I am moving forward.
I have discovered I am burned out on cooking and cleaning…big time and there is no one to fill that gap or money to take care of it another way…
Interesting ideas and I will go check out Jonathan’s site.
Nice to see Andrew here…I did not scare him off of commenting!
Patricia´s last blog post..Dawn and Release
Hi Alex,
I felt the one motto to become a writer is to spread this belief of self-belief. I read one article of yours, you sounded so powerful in making people believe in themselves and in their dreams. It’s akin to giving birth to a new life– from the old, disappointed, depressed life they lead.
I love the vision of your blog and your unmistakable tone!
Solomon
Solomon´s last blog post..Ride the crest of the writer’s learning curve!
@Ricardo
I think everyone’s reasons for not moving forward are slightly different, but the questions still apply. And I’m with you on having days I need an extra push. Today is one of them. I stayed up too late last night and now I just want to crawl back into bed.
@Melinda
I like those questions - even better than the two - much more complete!
@Joely
The whole insecurity/self-worth thing does a whole lot of damage. It’s too bad so many of us suffer from that issue.
@Andy
Ooh, a Someday Syndrome Disciple! Woo hoo! And yes, the key is awareness. You’ve learned your lessons well my son.
@Emma
Terror is the exact place you want to be. I compare it to the fear you feel at the top of a really high roller coaster. Time to throw your hands in the air and start screaming!
@Laurie
Thanks for bringing up this point - going back to the big picture is crucial. I easily get lost in details so the big picture refocus always helps.
@Karen
Celebrating the ability to choose - what a great way to think about the concept. I feel a post building from that idea. Thanks!
@Patricia
It’s amazing how the hour we do something in has so much influence on whether we do it or not. And wow, life certainly has been doing its best to sabotage things, eh? Good for you for keeping a positive attitude.
@Solomon
Thanks! If we don’t have self-belief then really we have nothing. Even the most insecure person has a little bit or they wouldn’t bother getting up in the morning, ever. Glad you enjoy the site!