Someday Syndrome

Madge & Me in ParisPosted by Alex Fayle

Yesterday Raul's best friend, who is a member of Madonna's fan club, bought tickets for her Hard Candy tour which hits Paris in in late September. I've never seen her in concert and if it weren't for Raul, I wouldn't spend the money (despite secretly longing to go).

On the plus side, the show is in Paris, which means spending a weekend there. And Jordi managed to get tickets in the first section right in front of the stage: the mosh pit.

The only drawback? The new album is definitely not one of my favourites. However, the woman always puts on a wicked spectacle and we'll be surrounded by screaming fans who'll for sure infect me with their enthusiasm even if I'm not into every song myself.

Someday Lessons:

• Some dreams need a catalyst to come true.
• Open yourself to the enthusiasm of others and enjoy life more.

The Power of ListeningPosted by Alex Fayle

Yesterday I had my appointment with the homeopath. On the surface, he did nothing different from the doctors I've seen here. I arrived, we talked, he gave me a prescription and told me to come back a month after I've finished the pills.

However, he listened to me. We spoke for almost an hour, quite leisurely and thoroughly about all aspects of my life, not just about the specific symptoms in my stomach. He asked questions and paid attention to the answers. He also appreciated it when I offered information that came into my head at a tangent. There was no line waiting, there was no pile of prescription forms waiting to be printed off. In fact there were no forms at all!

I don't blame the doctors I've seen. The fault lies in a system that has too many users and not enough funding. When I visit my doctor, I have a five or ten minute appointment and my doctor's primary objective always appears to stay as close to being on schedule as possible. This type of environment only encourages a lack of listening because everything needs to be solved in a matter of moments, invariably with some sort of drug.

When I start to take my homeopathic pills, I don't know if they will make me feel better or not, but in a way that doesn't really matter. I already feel better just knowing that someone really paid attention to what's going on in my body instead of throwing medication at symptoms and rushing me out the door.

Someday Lessons:

• Deep focused listening is a skill not many people practice.
• A really good listener has the power to heal.

Stolen Sense of PeacePosted by Alex Fayle

Today someone stole Raul's wallet. It had no money, he noticed within an hour, and he canceled all his cards. There was absolutely no gain for the thief and yet Raul didn't find the wallet anywhere nearby, discarded for being useless.

The only outcome is inconvenience for Raul. He had to go to the police station and he had to call the bank. He'll have to take time off work to replace his national ID, health and social security cards. He will also have to spend a long time regaining a sense of security about the world.

All for nothing on the part of the thief who only takes away from the world and yet doesn't gain anything for himself.

Someday Lessons:

• What might seem like an easy win often turns out empty.
• Trust can be broken in the blink of an eye.

Why I'm Angry All the TimePosted by Alex Fayle

Two years ago I decided to give up being merely comfortable and to ruthlessly pursue happiness, which I've pretty much achieved. I'm with a man I love doing what I love in a place that makes me swoon every time I look out the window.

Yet I spend a good deal of my time unreasonably angry with the world in general.

My pursuit of happiness is not comfortable, safe or easy. It's scary. Turning my back on comfort and relentlessly chasing happiness means taking risks which involves a whole lot of fear. Evolution wired human beings to be afraid of the unknown – which has saved us a species many times – but fear often produces anger and because I'm an overly-polite British-Canadian, I absorb that anger. I intellectualize my responses and feel like vomiting if I irrationally snark at someone, but then I feel like vomiting because all that anger has to go somewhere or it will give me an ulcer.

So what to do? Time and time again I've discovered the answer and yet time and time again I ignore it completely. I need to walk more. When I go for an epic two hour walk the endorphins soar and the anger that chews away at my stomach lining shrinks.

In fact I'm going out for a walk right now. See ya!

Someday Lessons:

• A rigorous pursuit of happiness involves more risk than many people are willing to take.
• Never underestimate the power and positive value of endorphins.

Flaunting My ImperfectionsPosted by Alex Fayle

I strive daily to destroy my ego, that part of me that whines when things don't go his way, that looks to push himself forward at every turn, and sings "lalalalalalala" when people offer criticism of any kind. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. We all have ego-issues.

When I approach a situation without ego, I don't get offended, I don't get stressed and I do end up feeling a lot more joy in my life. Everything goes much more smoothly and everybody's happy.

However, I've been doing something very British recently. I haven't been destroying my ego. I've been suppressing anger and I've paid pretty for it with a stomach full of acid. From here on in, therefore, I will continue with the ego-destruction for spiritual growth, but I'll start expressing anger, resentment, fear, and all those other "non-polite" emotions and comments when I feel them start to burn in my gut.

In fact, I'll revel in it and use the emotions to improve my writing. But of course I'll do it without being a bitch.

After all, there's no reason to be rude.

Someday Lessons:

• There's a big difference between letting anger go and repressing it.
• We are all imperfect people – it's okay to enjoy being petty sometimes.

Twenty Years of AlexPosted by Alex Fayle

Yesterday I felt cranky and crampy, so the arrival in the mail of a disk containing a whole lot of photos from my dramatic youth perked me right up.

My oldest (she's only 40!) longest (she's kinda short actually) – the friend that I've had the longest (since I was six) scanned in all her photos from our wild rebellious youth and sent them to me. Since I'm still not totally up to snuff yet (but feeling much better thanks), I'll entertain you with a collage of photos from 15-20 and 24, 32 and 35.

Enjoy – feel free to point fingers and laugh!

Someday Lessons:

• Never take yourself too seriously.
• Don't look back at your past and say "I'm so embarrassed!" Instead say "What an experience!"

Click on the image to view it in a larger size.

Don't Blame the GarlicPosted by Alex Fayle

It turns out I can't blame my politeness and the overly-garlicked food from the weekend. I have a stomach bug and therefore no interest whatsoever in posting today.

So go read my recently published website review in Vision magazine.

Someday Lessons:

• Have a backup plan for when your life is full of crap (pun intended yet again).
• Don't be too quick to judge the cause of bad things - it's highly likely you're wrong.

Too Polite for My Own GoodPosted by Alex Fayle

This weekend, friends visited from Catalonia (hence the lack of posts Thursday and Friday). With my recent stomach problems and resulting bad moods, four people in a 200sq ft apartment can feel a bit cramped (pun intended). In an effort to refrain from snapping at people, I kept my distance most of the weekend. The emotional distance also helped keep a physical distance from all the bad-for-me food that the others consumed over the four days.

Unfortunately the emotional distance ended up taking a toll on everyone with one guest trying to push into my carefully delineated Alex-only territory. Yesterday she decided to cook – paying us back for our hospitality. And even though I'd explained my dietary restrictions several times over the weekend, lunch ended up having garlic and pepper in it (Raul managed to stop her using white wine). Given the tension in the apartment, I decided just to eat the food without a fuss. After all, the garlic was still in its skin only flavouring the food -  I wouldn't actually be eating the stuff directly. I'd be fine!

Wrong!

Yesterday afternoon my stomach started to rebel and I got a wicked headache. I went to bed at 9:30 and slept almost ten hours. Today I feel like I have a stomach bug and I'm majorly regretting my I-so-nice-of-course-I'll-eat-your-food-that-is-bad-for-me Britishness.

Someday Lessons:

• Health issues supersede politeness every time.
• Listen to your gut (pun intended again). It knows what's good for you.

Resisting the Peanut ButterPosted by Alex Fayle

I've always believed that I lack willpower. I just can't make myself do things I don't want to nor NOT do things I do want to.

I have all the things I need for super success in whatever I do: ambition, drive, talent (modesty) - everything except willpower. I'm not as successful as I could be because I lack willpower. It's inherent and unchangeable.

(Un)fortunately that's a complete lie. How do I know that? Because I've discovered I do possess willpower over what I eat. With my severely limited diet, I could cheat easily. No one would know if I bought a donut or devoured a bag of potato chips. I simply choose not to because I remember the nine years of pain I used to live in and was beginning to feel again.

Yesterday for example I had a terrible craving for peanut butter and Ritz crackers, my mainstay childhood food. I could taste the smooth sweetness of the Kraft PB, the buttery saltiness of the Ritz. I felt the cracker snap and flake as my teeth bit into it, the peanut butter sticking my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

Later in the day I walked past a bakery and decided I would be willing trade my soul for a soft, chewy peanut butter cookie that would coat my mouth with floury goodness.

I managed to resist both, however, without much drama. I have no desire to live the rest of my life in pain, so denying myself sweets and processed foods for six months every five years is easily doable.

So yeah, I do have willpower - when I find something important enough. Does it mean then that I find very few things important? Or that I'm just lazy?

Someday Lessons:

• Willpower is not inherent - it's a choice, like almost everything else in life.
• Pain and discomfort often motivate change better than anything else.

Someone Else's WritingPosted by Alex Fayle

Those of you who were here last summer will remember that my sister took over for me while I was on holiday. Now she has her own blog (sometimes shared with her boyfriend, man, spouse, significant other?).

Today she posted a great topic about marriage and about using life as a learning experience.

It's much better than anything I could come up with today, so go read it.

http://urbanpanther.blogspot.com/2008/04/mawage.html

Someday Lessons:

• Celebrate the successes of others as well as your own.
• When someone else says something really well, quote them - there's no need to come up with your own version.