You Are Not Your Stuff: Cynthia Friedlob Interview
By Alex Fayle

Shortly after I started blogging in 2006, I found Cynthia’s blog and have been an avid reader ever since. Her posts are profound, cover a wide range of topics, and yet always come back to the simple question: do we really need all this stuff? As an organizer, you can see why her blog appeals to me. And like many organized people, Cynthia went through a process to get there - she wasn’t always so thoughtful about her consumption…

Who: Cynthia Friedlob of The Thoughtful Consumer
Cynthia is a writer and artist who believes that life is a series of reinventions.

What variety of Someday Syndrome affected you the most? In what way?
It was a version of “I might need it someday” – in my case, “I should need it even though I no longer do.”  I was living with some lovely antiques I had inherited from my grandparents, the piano from my childhood and many other (literally and figuratively) weighty items I had acquired from my family home or purchased when I was in my early twenties.

I enjoyed all of them for decades, but eventually I realized that I felt a completely unnecessary obligation to be a caretaker for these items and that most of them had become burdens rather than joys.  Memories, not things, were what I wanted to hold on to.

How did it affect the rest of your life?
Would you select a living space primarily because it offered a nice way to display your furniture?  I confess that I have!  Also, as my life circumstances changed, I began accumulating new items while still holding on to the old ones and while working in a very stressful career.  The old things were familiar and comforting, and the new things were functional or at least seemed necessary.  But I felt suffocated and disoriented because the new me was trying to live with things that represented the old me.  It was also proof that clutter isn’t always junk; it can simply be more stuff than you need.

How would you describe your happiness level at that time?
I always think of happiness as something that fluctuates from moment to moment, so there were highs mixed in with the lows.  Quiet contentment is what I believe can be sustained; during difficult times I often fail to sustain it because I’ve never been very good at handling stress.

Did the other varieties of Someday Syndrome appear in your life as well?
I’ve done some procrastinating over the years, because I got caught up in other “shoulds” of life.  Of course, there are certain “shoulds” that do require attention.  If you’re in a relationship that you value, have children, health issues, or face other responsibilities that most of us would consider legitimate concerns, those “shoulds” can lead to compromises when it comes to someday decisions.  But there are many needlessly self-imposed or societally-imposed “shoulds” that are a complete waste of time.

What changed? Was it gradual or did it come as an epiphany? Perhaps a mix of the two?
I did have a couple of epiphanies that stirred me to action.  But in some areas, I moved slowly.  A major career shift came quickly; parting with most of my family heirlooms was a more gradual process.

What dream are you in the process of realizing?
I’ve been very lucky when it comes to career dreams.  I’ve explored professionally all the forms of artistic expression that have interested me and now I’m enjoying teaching, something I’d never even considered.  I found a new dream last year when I started writing radio essays for “Experience Talks,” a program on KPFK-FM in Los Angeles.  It’s been so much fun that I’m investigating developing a radio show of my own.

How would you describe your happiness level now?
I’m generally much more content now than I was when I was younger, but I’ve always struggled with a restless soul.  So, I’m focusing on the many positive aspects of my life, working on creative alternatives for the things that are less satisfactory and accepting the rest as gracefully as possible – but that’s a challenge at times!

What advice would you give someone in the position you were in before?
Remember that you are not the caretaker of your possessions; you are the caretaker of your life.

While it’s always easier to act boldly in your own interests when you’re young and independent, it’s never too late to make changes that will move you towards greater contentment.

Someday Lessons:

• The word ’should’ is responsible for more clutter than you could imagine - delete it from your vocabulary.
• Are you living the life you want to or are you merely a caretaker of your stuff?

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