I found Havi through my blog jumping journeys. Her mix of creative language use (like destuckification), yoga and unshaking belief in everyone’s bigness made me an instant fan. And from the the first read of her blog I knew she had to be a part of the Someday Interview series.
Who: Havi Brooks and Selma the duck of The Fluent Self
“My duck and I have a blast training smart, creative independent professionals (you, your computer and maybe a cat) to dissolve their stucknesses so they can biggify the cool thing they want to put out into the world.”
What variety of Someday Syndrome affected you the most? In what way?
Definitely the Someday My Ship Will Come In thing. The thing I remember the most was when I had been living in Tel aviv for about ten years … and for the last five of them had been dreaming of moving to Berlin. There was so much symbolic weight to this move that was not happening. It was always about there not being money. Or not being time to prepare. And I blamed so many things for keeping me from being able to go.
How did it affect the rest of your life?
I was always waiting to be free, and scared it would never happen, or that it would but it would suck.
My attention was divided. On the other hand, it also gave me a focal point. I taught myself German. I was always reading books in German. So that part was actually kind of sweet, but in many ways it was a dual life. Part of me was suffering through the day-to-day and the other part was dreaming of what would happen … well, yeah, someday.
How would you describe your happiness level at that time?
Mmmm … I think I was pretty numb.
Did the other varieties of Someday Syndrome appear in your life as well?
Not so much. Maybe a bit of I’ll Get Around To It Someday, but I think that was also a reflection of waiting for “when”. When there would be money and when things would start “working” and when it would all stop being so crappy all the time.
What changed? Was it gradual or did it come as an epiphany? Perhaps a mix of the two?
I found yoga. That was the big thing. It calmed me the hell down. I started going deeper into the philosophy behind the physical practice, and realizing that setting up my life in terms of “I’ll be happy when x happens” was a sure way to miss out on everything that happened. Being present for the moment seemed both cheesy and kind of terrifying, but it also felt like it was important.
Then it wasn’t just about getting to Berlin but about practicing kindness with myself and being intentional. And having goals. I took teacher training programs, stopped spending money on anything that wasn’t keeping me alive and threw myself into making it happen.
And then I went. And it was awesome. Moving to Berlin was the best thing I ever did. And maybe the hardest.
What dream are you in the process of realizing?
Biggifying my own business to be able to help more of the people who need my help. My latest project is building a really fun, creative, non-icky soul-nourishing online learning community where people can have breakthroughs like crazy in the most safe, supportive, goofy way possible. That will be launching relatively soon and I’m so excited I might have to go do a little dance right this second.
How would you describe your happiness level now?
Pretty ridiculously joyful, most of the time. Content. Very content. And, being human, I also have days where I question where I’m at and wax philosophical and such. But there’s also some tingly excitement in there too about what’s to come.
What advice would you give someone in the position you were in before?
I think I’d offer a hug. And say: Oh, honey. I know. This is where you are right now and I know it feels like it’s stuck and awful. You know what? Where you are right now is where you are. It doesn’t say anything bad about you. It doesn’t need to define you. It’s just what’s true for you right now. Everything is temporary.
And even though it feels like it’s never going to shift and you’re never going to get “there”, you’re allowed to feel all the things you’re feeling. Because the better you get at letting yourself be a real live human being who gets stuck sometimes (instead of sinking deeper into the struggle), the easier it’s going to be to rewrite some of the patterns that are holding you in place.
Even though it feels like you’re not good enough and nothing is good enough, where you are right now is going to give you the ability to truly and deeply help others some day. You’re learning the skills that will allow you to be empathic and kind and compassionate. To others and to yourself.
You’re allowed to hate it as much as you want.
And you may know that you are loved and adored. Even when that’s hard to remember.
Someday Lessons:
18 Responses to “Destuckifying Your Life: Havi Brooks Interview”
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Hurrah for the Havinator! Hurrah for Alex!
Two of my fave peeps in one place - what a lovely dose of yummy internet treats for my Monday lunchtime enjoyment. Thank you!
And if anyone isn’t doing Havi’s amazing Shiva Nata - then check it out now!
James | Dancing Geek´s last blog post..Photoshop money for charity - it’s legit!
Ooh, I’m a fave peep - woo hoo!
Alex, you are awesome for featuring one of my heroines! Havi is quite possibly the most amazing person I have ever “met.” I tell her time and again that were I in a position to work with a mentor one on one, in person, and were she a mentor you could do that with, like Uma and the Asian dude in Kill Bill, say, then I would do it in a heartbeat. For a year I would shadow her, do as she does, and totally change my life and become super awesome and strong.
I felt as though she was speaking directly to me, reading her answer to your last question. She always seems to know what a person needs to—and should—hear.
steph´s last blog post..Samhain, Lord of the Dead
Well, I don’t know that I will find the right words to describe how meaningful this post is today. Alex, you are a wonderful, good human being who is truly leaving a positive imprint on humanity. I have heard so much about Havi and after reading this interview, she definitely lives up to all the wonderful accolades. I really want to destuckify and biggify too. Thanks for reminding me it is possible, and I am not bad for not being there yet.
Karen Swim´s last blog post..Paralyzing Perfectionism
@steph - Amen to that! I love the idea of being a ‘disciple’ of Guru Havi!
James | Dancing Geek´s last blog post..Photoshop money for charity - it’s legit!
@Karen - yep, I needed to read this today as well. I also feel sorry for myself on Monday mornings when I head back to a job I don’t like. One I feel ’stuck’ in. Interestingly, just before reading this post I took some baby steps in getting unstuck.
Urban Panther´s last blog post..The Lion versus the Call Centre
This is the second interview I’ve read featuring Havi and Selma, I think I’m going to have to go read her blog now (or is it their blog?).
Marelisa´s last blog post..10 Snazzy Ideas on Simplicity
@Steph
It’s not surprising that Havi has so many disciples. She truly rocks and she appeals to business and personal development types.
@Karen
Every time you leave me a comment, you make me want to cry (in a good way). Thank you for being so supportive!
@UP
Glad to hear that you took some steps - email me and tell me what they were!
@Marelisa
That’s a good question - is it her or their blog? Hmmm… Another reason to go check it out.
This struck home: “And even though it feels like it’s never going to shift and you’re never going to get “there”, you’re allowed to feel all the things you’re feeling. Because the better you get at letting yourself be a real live human being who gets stuck sometimes (instead of sinking deeper into the struggle), the easier it’s going to be to rewrite some of the patterns that are holding you in place.”
Karen Putz´s last blog post..Meeting Bloggers at the ALDACon
@Alex - happy to share publicly (how the heck do you spell that word?). 1. Bought The Complete Artist’s Way: Creativity as a Spiritual Practice, which I am working my way through. 2. FINALLY signed up for a web host server, and given the information to someone to design me a fancy wordpress blogsite.
Urban Panther´s last blog post..All in good time
@Urban Panther - oooh, exciting news!
Plus, at least over here it’s ‘publicly’ as you spelt it, but then do Canada and UK spell the same in English?
James | Dancing Geek´s last blog post..Time’s a ticking on this one…
@James
We’re a mix. For example, we write “colour” but we write “organize”
@Panther
YAY!!!
@Karen
That is a great thought, isn’t it? It’s why I love Havi so much.
[...] Destuckifying Your Life: Havi Brooks Interview at Someday Syndrome [...]
I love Havi’s blog. She’s so smart and warm and too cool. Love. Just love her!
Thanks for this Alex.
Kelly
So in checking out comments, I relooked at the two lessons I pulled out of Havi’s answers to the interview and a word jumped out at me that has many different meanings: Appreciate. And I want to clarify a bit.
To me appreciating isn’t the attitude of gratitude that so many people have. To me appreciating is accepting but not like “fine if I have to I accept the bad stuff” but more like “This is my life. Period. And I appreciate my life. I don’t have to like it at all times, but I do appreciate it. And I won’t beat myself up during the bad times, because that’s what I do when there’s bad stuff is beat myself up and I should just accept it.”
(boy, did I ever try to pack a lot of meaning into a single word! No wonder it broke…)
Appreciate can have a real should attitude like “you don’t appreciate me enough!” In the lesson above, I meant it not as a should thing, just an acknowledgment thing.
Hi Alex,
Thank you for interviewing Havi. She has an awesome blog and I am so glad I found it through your website.
Cheers,
Jeremy
Jeremy Day´s last blog post..Carnival of Personal Development Edition #1
@Jeremy
Yes, I love Havi’s blog - she’s so gentle and patient with everyone.
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